"Top o' the mornin' to ye, folks, and welcome to the Hard Luck Showdown... I'm Lionel O'Thetyme, and with me is Billy Bob Smith..."
"Are you sure it's safe to hold a PPV in Dublin, Ireland on St. Patrick's Day?"
"You're wearing green, aren't you?"
"Uh... I have this green cowboy hat on..."
"It'll have to do... Just remember... Irish guys like to be greeted with the traditional 'Hey, MICK, shag any SHEEP lately?', and all Irish girls think a potato is a flower..."
"Really?"
"Suuure..."
"Cool!"
"Today we have a first for the NWF... Not one, not two, but FOUR separate BATTLE ROYALS to determine which of the top stars in the NWF will receive the new Pacific and Atlantic Regional Championship belts... The four rings will each contain five men, and contestants may be eliminated by being tossed over the top rope, submission, pinfall or knockout..."
"That's a lot of ways to go, Lionel..."
"True, but remember, we have alot of tough fighters... In a match like this, anything can happen, because it's every man for himself... No teams. No friends. No mercy..."
"Well, some of the wrestlers are a little unimpressed with the new abundance of belts in the NWF, Lionel..."
"Look... First they were crying about only really being able to vie for the TV belt because nobody could beat that freak... THEN when the freak gets beat via a sledgehammer shot to the back, NOW we have too many belts... Damn prima donnas... Anyway, Billy Bob and I will be broadcasting the Ring 1 and Ring 3 battles, plus the deciding match for the belt between the winners... Otis is online with Ex-Vice President Tanis Twinsoul... Otis, do you read us?"

"Hyeh HEE! We getcha loud and clear, sonny... Me and the suit and tie are ready to go on the big Battle Royals in Ring 2 and Ring 4 - ain't we?"
"I see no reason for me to be here... Why not drag Dan Furgeson out of the Rubber Wall Hotel? He'd fit right in with you and the rest of these stooges..."
"Well, word has it that Danny Boy is still on the shelf because of that combination stroke and heart attack he had a way's back... Since you're the only guy handy that has any experience at the mic that ISN'T in one of the rings, you get to share your special brand of charm with the folks at home... On a side note, my apologies to the folks at home... This wasn't my idea..."
"You think it was MINE? PLEASE... When I finally manage to take over this podunk promotion, you are going to be the second guy that gets the axe... Right behind that scumbag President..."
"Yeah, well... If wishes were horses then beggars would ride..."
"Fitting that you use an old saying as a reply... By the way, how old were you when you first said it? I figure that cliche' dates back to the Middle Ages, so you were probably about forty..."
"Don't be mad because your wrestlers plan to jump out of the ring after the bell... They just probably don't wanna get beat up by the Marines..."
"You ignorant old blockhead, one of your precious Marines - the SMART ONE it seems, and THERE'S an oxymoron if I ever saw one - JOINED the Dark Forces... Damaged Goods is not interested in any title except the Tag Team Straps, as they have clearly stated in monosyllabic format plain enough for even a low-grade imbecile like you to register... However, through the machinations of the completely corrupt President and his supposed 'impromptu' riot with all his hirelings interrupting the championship match, we have to wait until whenever these paper champions are forced into a match for their belts with us again... This stuff is just a stall tactic to force Damaged Goods to lose focus and leave his 'pet' champs alone to fight jobbers until the end of time..."
"Pretty strong words there, TT... You saying that all the other tag teams that the NWF could muster are just jobbers?"
"Obviously you've lost some short term memory... That's EXACTLY what I _SAID_...."
"Well, this has 'Long Night' written all over it..."
"Enjoy it, Cobb... You've GOT to be running pretty low on those..."
"Where the hell did I put that shilleleigh...?"

"Sorry to interrupt, Otis, but we're about to get started... We have the members of the first ring coming down the aisle, and you should be seeing the contestants for the second ring as we speak... To keep from losing any of the doubtlessly frantic action, we'll be on a tape delay with a slight rest break between the first two rings and the next two... The tape delay of Ring Two will air during the rest period, but to the fans at home, it will look like there's no break in the action..."
"Yet another miracle of modern science bastardized for the entertainment industry, eh Lionel?"
"The fans wouldn't have it any other way, BBS... And neither would we, since it would mean we'd have to get real jobs..."
"....This isn't a real job?"
"Sadly, no... But buck up, cowboy, we'll always have people willing to shell out cold cash for the travelling freakshow... It serves as a distraction from their own pathetic existances, after all..."
"You've obviously had one too many interviews with the freak..."
"Shows, does it?"
"A little..."
"Oh well... And first down the aisle is Blue Manta... This luchadore has been slugging away for a while, but hasn't had alot of success... Mind you, since the new Cruiserweight Division is getting more talent everyday, Manta won't have to fight the big monsters he's had so much trouble with..."
"And speaking of big monsters and trouble, he's followed to the ring by the gigantic Big Matty Gookis... This awesome specimen would probably be murder to throw over the top if he wasn't planning to eliminate himself..."
"Too true, BBS... And coming down the aisle now is Sgt. Hammer, who is just RADIATING intensity this evening... He's pretty unhappy at what he considers the disrespect that the other members of the fed show for the Marines, and he's out to beat some respect into them..."
"And he's followed out closely by one-half of the Tag Team Champions... Gas Chamber is considered one of the best in these mass mayhem type brawls..."
"And GC is followed out by the Cruiserweight Champion, El Tarantula... El Tarantula is going to have to use all his exceptional ability to stay in this one with the monsters he's gotten in the draw..."
"The referee is now checking all the men, and this match is getting ready to start... There's the bell, and the action gets underway immediately as ElT and Manta execute simultaneous dropkicks on BMG and GC, who don't seem to mind too much... Hammer moves in to flank the gigantic Gookis, who puts the grab on El Tarantula as he gets to a vertical base from the dropkick... Gorilla press from BMG, and he hurls the comparitively tiny luchadore at the stealthy Sgt. Hammer! Hammer ducks, and ElT lands on the outside, eliminated..."
"Wow, that could have been two birds with one stone if Hammer didn't duck, and it seems Manta is being similarly manhandled by GC, who executes a gutwrench to LEAPING side suplex that spikes Manta to the arena floor like a volleyball! GC sees BMG moving to step over the top, and charges him like a freight train... Hammer leaps in front of GC - possibly trying to trip him up, but GC steps onto his back and uses it for a step up to execute a flying cross body! BMG is half in the ropes, and the extra boost from Hammer lets GC catch the monster above his center of gravity! They BOTH topple to the floor, and that finishes the first match, as Hammer wins it without firing a shot..."
"Hammer has quite an advantage in the final match, as he's undoubtedly going to be the freshest man there... We could already be looking at the new PRC..."
"And GC and BMG are going toe-to-toe on the outside, and we'll have to have security break this one up..."
"Well, I guess that means we'll go right to Otis and Tanis, then... Talk to you folks in a few..."

"That's right, sonny... I see the contestants starting down the aisle, so I'll let you go for now..."
"He's already gone, you old fool... And we're going on a modified tape delay so the scumbags at home don't have to be confused by a split screen, or bored by a rest break between the matches..."
"You know, for a guy that wants to take over so bad, you really like to alienate the fanbase..."
"The fanbase wouldn't know their own NAMES without two pieces of ID..."
"Well, this is pretty much beating a dead horse... Oh well, let's call the match, okay?"
"Hmph."
"Okay... Coming to the ring at this time is The Arabian Nightmare, whose mat wrestling skills might be a little out of place in a donnybrook like this, but since he seems to not care, we'll wish him luck..."
"And coming out next is the next Tag Team Champion of this promotion, or at least he WILL be once we can get assurances that the corrupt President will not send his hired goons to interfere in their shot... The Dark General himself... MYDRAAL FADE!"
"And right behind him is the man that ended the streak... The heavy duty MARINE, and former Heavyweight Champion... D.I.! SEMPER FI!"
"Following him is half of the current Tag Team Champions; the overrated, cowardly Caster..."
"Geeze, you can sure carry a grudge..."
"I don't hate Caster per se, just what he represents... A pair of paper champs that duck and dodge superior competition, much the same as the next man does..."
"WHAT? Cedric Lett is the next man... The current Heavyweight Champion... The ASYLUM!"
"The man who coined the phrase 'No Title Shot For You' which he tells everybody except Sid Wareagle? Oh yes, quite the franchise for THIS promotion... Fits right in... I understand he's planning to eliminate himself... Probably scared to get hurt..."
"YOUR guy is ALSO eliminating himself, TT..."
"For entirely different reasons, Cobb... Fade sees these new belts as an unnecessary distraction from the real goal of the Tag Championships, and refuses to participate on moral grounds..."
"Morality from HIM? THAT's a laugh..."
"I notice your 'hero' Asylum is wearing that hand-fashioned belt he made in protest of the new belts... Interesting how cardboard goes along with his motif, isn't it? I guess his house needed a window anyway, and there's no point in wasting material..."
"....That's effed up... Oh well, with everyone in the ring, the referee finishes up with the prematch checks, and has set aside all the belts and paraphrenalia... And there's the bell... Fade starts out with a quick forearm smash to the back of Asylum, and D.I. backs the Dark General up with a back elbow... TAN and Caster lock up, and TAN is taken to the mat by a quick Leg-Scissor Takedown... D.I. and Fade BOTH grab Asylum, but the Champ kicks his way free... TAN gets to his feet, and D.I. and Caster go for a double team while Fade and Asylum lock up... TAN manages to punch himself out of that tight situation, and Fade gives Asylum the Irish Whip - but doesn't follow up?"
"FADE, stick with the plan... Get out of there! Now Fade and Asylum go for a double team on Caster, while D.I. rocks TAN with a forearm shiver... Fade sees that he's teaming with Lett, and punches Lett in the temple, which gives Caster ample opportunity to fling the so-called champ onto his back with a high armdrag... Fade now gives TAN the Irish Whip, and follows up with a Tilt-a-Whirl Slam! D.I. not very happy with sharing TAN's beating with Fade, and he tackles the Dark General to the mat... Caster and Asylum are now exchanging shots toe-to-toe, as are D.I. and Fade... Lett takes a second out of his busy schedule to rake the face of the Arab, and D.I. gives Fade a Whip to the corner... The Arab shakes off the facerake and takes the Ring Wizard down with a Flying Body Press... Fade is fighting his way out of the corner, and he backs D.I. up, and INTO a running lariat from behind courtesy of Asylum... Fade gives the Champion Backjumper a scoop and a slam, while TAN and Caster both takes some boots to the head from D.I..."
"D.I. really cleaning house in there, as he delivers a series of brutal kicks to the Arab... Caster and Fade are now BOTH hauling Lett to a vertical base, and double hiptoss the Champion out of the ring, eliminating him! Now Caster and Fade lock up, and Fade gets behind Caster with a standing switch - but Caster counters with a Bulldog! D.I. and TAN are locking it up, and TAN takes the DI to the mat with a back heel trip, and follows it up with a jumping elbow drop! Fade gives Caster the Irish Whip, but Caster reverses it and Fade goes to the ropes... Caster right behind him with a jumping knee lift that catches the Dark General in the CHIN... Fade flips end over end out of the ring, and he's eliminated... Caster turns to see the DI advancing on him quickly, but the Ring Wizard catches the Marine with a surprise Jumping Side Kick, and DI hits the mat... TAN leaps over the fallen D.I., and Caster catches him with a Spinebuster... AND SPIKES HIM _ONTO_ the DI!"
"That'll take a couple tubes of Aspercreme to sort out, eh? Caster grabs both men, and gives them the double coconuts! TAN hits the mat, and DI staggers back a step, which proves at least whose head is harder... DI launches a Shotokan Stride Punch, but Caster sidesteps it and sends the old fool to the mat with a short-arm clothesline... TAN takes the opportunity and goes for the pin... CASTER jumps on top in dog-pile fashion, and the referee makes the count... 1... 2... 3! Both men proved a bit too heavy for DI to kick out from under, and the old man's eliminated... That leaves Caster and TAN, who start peppering each other with rights and lefts as the referee instructs DI to exit the ring... We're down to two men, and Caster showing the Arabian Nightmare that he's not a half bad mat wrestler himself as he clamps on a levered arm bar... TAN gets his knees under himself, relieving some of the pressure, but Caster rolls right amd executes a modified Majispral Cradle! The referee counts... 1... 2... TAN kicks out at two!"
"The Arab showing some determination here, and he and Caster both get to their feet... TAN with a waistlock, and he yanks Caster off his feet for an amateur style takedown... TAN tries to wear down the bigger man with a reverse chinlock, but Caster refuses to submit as he shoves back hard, utilizing his greater mass to break the hold... Both men get to a vertical base, and TAN gives Caster a DROPKICK that catches him square in the mush... Caster backs up a couple steps, and TAN leaps to his feet and charges the Ring Wizard... But Caster catches him coming in, and BLASTS the Arab to the mat with a Sidewalk Slam Backbreaker! Caster really seems amped up now, and he turns TAN over, and grabs his ankles... I think he's setting him up for something..."
"So does TAN, it seems, Cobb... Twisting sharply, he manages to counter whatever the Ring Wizard was planning with a Pinwheel Bodyscissors that sends Caster sprawling... TAN quick to follow it up with a single-leg crab, but Caster kicks free before the referee can get close enough to ask him if he's had enough... TAN staggers to the corner, and Caster runs into him full-tilt with a lariat, and the Arabian has nowhere to go... TAN takes a knee from the heavy shot, and Caster seems to smell blood as he yanks TAN up for what looks like a Nash-Style Powerbomb... But Caster slams the back of the Arab against the top, and catapults backwards... TAN hits the mat chin-first, and look at how his neck angled with that one... Caster usually flows that particular move into a Boston Crab, but he doesn't this time for some reason... TAN is writhing around on the mat, possibly injured from that TERRIBLE landing... Caster showing no mercy, though, as he wraps the legs of the Arab grapevine style around his own... He now reaches down, and seizes the wrists of the Arab, and pulls him off the mat in some sort of suspended surfboard..."
"The WIZARD's WAND! Caster has applied the Wizard's Wand, and he pulls back on the Arab like he was firing an arrow... TAN desperately trying to focus past the pain, but the referee moves in and asks if he wants to quit it... TAN shakes no, and - YE GODS! - Caster slams him into the mat before yanking him back up in the Wand... TAN still fighting, trying to wriggle free, and Caster takes a step back... AND JUMPS into the air! TAN gets an inverted powerbomb while STILL in the Wand, and I think that'll be it... It is... The Arab is weakly signalling that he's had all he can bear, and Caster moves on to the finals in brutal fashion..."
"Well, we'll see who he has to face after the next match, Cobb... And that will make it back to Lionel and the Redneck for the heavily anticipated Ring Three action... You there, Thetyme?"

"That I am, Tanis, and we're about to get Ring Three's battle underway... We didn't really NEED a rest break, considering the comparatively quick First Ring fight, but we had to give you guys time to find a winner..."
"Caster well on his way to make the history he wants to, as he's in the finals... This match will determine who will face Hammer, and any of these men will be a tough fight for anybody... First down the aisle, accompanied by the Lovely Lady Lava... The first luchadore IN the NWF... En Fuego! He's ready to make some history of his own tonight, as he plans to use what are percieved as his weaknesses as strengths against the much bigger competition..."
"Well, Fuego is a pretty fast guy, BBS, but if En Fuego assumes that he's the only one there with any speed, that could cost him... Moreover, speed is usually neutralized by confined spaces, and sharing the ring with a couple of these monsters is not going to provide him with alot of running room... Anyway, Fuego is followed out by Cactus Jack, who has the most experience in this type of wild match, and he's got to have some tricks up his sleeve to catch the comparatively inexperienced opposition off guard..."
"And behind Jack is the current 'Eff Them All' Champion, Phil McKracken... Phil has seen alot of success lately, and he brings a strange intensity to this match that he hasn't shown in a long time...
"Mind you, the FTA belt is unrecognized by the Championship Committee, but should Phil's astounding tendency to - pardon the pun - come from behind for a win, he'll doubtlessly rename the PRC to the FTA, in effect FORCING recognition by co-opting the title..."
"And next down the aisle is Verbal... Nine Inch Nails' 'Head Like A Hole' is playing for Verbal's entrance, but Verbal is NOT coming down the aisle... Very strange, Lionel..."
"More like very SMART, BBS... Verbal is definitely not foolish enough to get into the ring with a set of people that have so much cause to hate him... Phil, doubtless still resents Verbal building his career through 'outing' him a few months back. Fuego, doubtless still seething about Verbal's attack on a fellow Mexican as a 'stunt'... Cactus, well, Cactus hates EVERYBODY.... And finally, the man who's scheduled to come to the ring next... Bobo Q. Fiendish... If I were Verbal, I'd pull a 'Hart' and feign injury to avoid being in THAT anti-Verbal thresher, too..."
"Well, since Verbal's still 'out' on his 'injury' and most likely recuperating in a country without extradition laws... We'll just have Bobo come to the ring now... Yngwie Malmsteen's 'No Mercy' heralds Fiendish's entrance, and the crowd is on it's feet... Which obscures my view of the rampway... It DOES seem that Phil and Feugo are getting a hearty laugh at what they see, whatever THAT is... Lionel, can you see?"
"HAHAHAHA! Bobo Fiendish is coming to the ring dressed in 'OR' Scrubs, and he's got a desperately struggling Verbal slung over his shoulder... Steve Suddick and Verbal's Tiger are hanging onto each of Bobo's legs, doubtless trying to bring him down to free their boss, but Fiendish is dragging them along as well... Verbal obviously INTENTLY averse to being in this match, but Fiendish really doesn't care, and has taken matters into his own hands, just like he promised... He makes it to ringside, and hefts Verbal above his head in a Gorilla Press, and Fuego and Phil grab the Miami Mouth and haul him kicking and screaming into the ring... Bobo nods in grim thanks, and casually reaches down to latch onto a chair... Which he RAMS into the back of Suddick's skull, and then swings golf style to SMASH into the side of Verbal's Tiger... Suddick starts feebly trying to reattach to Fiendish, but Bobo drops a KNEE to the back of Suddick's head, and THAT's not too much fun for Steve, no doubt... The Tiger grabs a chair of his own, but Bobo grabs the timekeeper's bell and WHIZZES it right at The Tiger's forehead frisbee style as he rolls into the ring..."

DING!

"And that gets the match underway in typical extreme fashion, Lionel, as Fuego and Phil start working Verbal over, which leaves the King of Hardcore to face the Angel of Death Most Exalted, and with the possible exception of Verbal, all five men seem pleased with the situation... Cactus swings a haymaker at Fiendish, who doesn't even BUDGE... Cactus follows up with a running clothesline, hoping to take Fiendish to the mat, but Bobo shifts and hiptosses Cactus... Verbal starts to fight his way free of Fuego, and Phil launches a Spin Wheel Kick... Verbal DUCKS, and Fuego gets clobbered!"
"That shot buys Verbal valuable time, which he uses to TRUCK Phil to the mat with a left-arm lariat! Fuego shakes off the kick from Phil, and he grabs Verbal - who was using the break in his battle to try to eliminate himself... Fuego drags Verbal back into the ring by his hair, and executes a Rabbit Killer - a standing dropkick that Curt Hennig uses extensively, I'll add - that catches the Former TV Champ right in the chops... Bobo and Cactus are still going at it pretty serious, and the King of Hardcore goes for a finger to the eye on Fiendish... Bobo goes back a couple steps, and Verbal catches him with a double axehandle out of nowhere! The impact sends Bobo right into Jack with a headbutt, and that caught Cactus right in the teeth! Cactus goes down busted open, and Bobo turns slowly to face Verbal... Verbal IMMMEDIATELY tries to beg off, and he takes a knee pleading for mercy from the ex-Heavyweight Champ... Bobo cocks his head inquisitively, as Verbal continues to beg off... Fiendish turns to the fans, who are pretty much screaming for the blood of one Gunther Addams... OOOOO! Verbal takes advantage of Bobo's split second distraction and gives the monster a SHARP uppercut to the unmentionables... Bobo goes back a step, and almost as an afterthought loops a backhand punch to the shakily rising King of Hardcore that sends Cactus back to the mat in a heap... Phil and Fuego are going at each other, presumably over the Spinwheel Kick incident..."
"Phil and Fuego are really going at it... Knife edge chop from Phil... Boot to the midsection from Fuego... European Uppercut from Phil... Forearm shiver from Fuego... Scoop and a slam from Phil! He clamps on a Spinning Toe-Hold for good measure, but Fuego kicks free and sends Phil to the mat with a footsweep... Fuego hauls Phil to a vertical base, but Cactus was crawling to them, and he manages to roll Fuego up from behind! 1... Only one! Fuego kicks out with authority, and Phil catches the hapless Jack with a legdrop to the back of the head... Verbal is on his bicycle trying to stay out of arm's reach of the freak, and he backs right into En Fuego! Verbal turns, and Fuego sends the Miami Mouth to the mat with a Superkick! Bobo cups his hands, and En Fuego takes the cue and steps into the stirrup... Fiendish tosses Fuego almost to the lights, and Fuego comes down HARD on Verbal with a BIG somersaulting elbowdrop! Surprising show of trust from Fuego for the monster Bobo, don't you think, Lionel?"
"Well, BBS, although judging from the boost Bobo gave Fuego could have easily been used to toss Fuego out; Bobo and Fuego have some respect for each other... Add in a common enemy, and you've got a double team... Bobo and Fuego are taking the boots to Verbal, and Phil has the upper hand on Jack, as he grinds a basic - though effective - top wristlock... The referee asks if Cactus wants to give it up, but he shakes no... OOOO! Thumb to the eye of the Hardcore Homo courtesy of the King of Hardcore, and Phil goes back momentarily blinded... Cactus uses the opportunity to POWERBOMB Phil, and he follows that up with a Senton splash! Cactus goes for a cover... 1... Only one! He should've hooked the leg, but Phil's nowhere NEAR being lumped up enough to be pinned... Cactus gets to a vertical base, and is grabbed at the back of the neck by BOBO! INVERTED CHOKE SLAM! Cactus hits the mat face first in a horrible modification of an already horrible move... Jack's in serious trouble here, and Fuego slaps on a Camel Clutch, taking advantage of Cactus's doubtlessly weakened neck, and Bobo turns to see Phil and Verbal going shot for shot, but that powerbomb from Cactus apparently slowing Phil down, and Verbal BLASTS the FTA Champ with a discus clothesline! Phil hits the mat, and Bobo leaps over the fallen Phil to deliver a CRUSHING double axe-handle... Verbal backs into the corner, trying to shake it off, and Bobo going downstairs with a series of boots to the midsection..."
"Cactus has managed to free himself from Fuego's camel clutch by BITING the fingers of the luchadore... Cactus still determined to get things settled with Bobo, and he's not interested in anything else... Fuego backing away nursing his hand, and Cactus follows up with a dropkick that sends Fuego to the corner... Cactus backs up, preparing to rush in for a lariat, and he backs into Phil! HOMO'S REVENGE! Phil has locked onto the King of Hardcore like a pitbull on a cat - complete with the shake... Cactus has taken alot of punishment to the neck that makes Phil's Finisher VERY effective... Cactus TAPS! Phil has CHOKED OUT the King of Hardcore!"
"One down, BBS, and Bobo has laid Verbal throat first on the top rope... HOLY SHYTE! Bobo has pulled the middle rope up and looping onto the back of Verbal's head, tying him up in the ropes by his THROAT! OH MERCIFUL CHRIST! Bobo has tossed Verbal's legs over the ropes! Verbal is HUNG in a double twist of the ring ropes, and Bobo starts SHAKING the ropes Ultimate Warrior Style! My GOD! Phil and Fuego are standing there in horror as the referee tries to get between Bobo and Verbal... Phil and Fuego both jump Fiendish, and manage to yank him backwards and to the mat... The referee is trying to pry Verbal out of this terrible mess, and The Tiger and Steve have gotten under Verbal to try to alleviate some of the pressure... Phil and Fuego are doing all they can to keep Fiendish away from the horrific spectacle, and the referee has managed to free Verbal with the help of Verbal's stooges... Verbal falls out of the ring over the top, and he's eliminated..."
"Thank God, Lionel... The stooges frantically call for Emergency Services, and the Stretcher Crew has come to the ring to remove the badly hurt Verbal, who may have just escaped death again at the hands of Fiendish through outside interference... We'll have to wait until the doctor's report to know for sure..."
"Things are looking bad in the ring now, as Fuego and Phil are double teaming a VERY grumpy monster... They throw Bobo to the corner in an double Irish Whip, and Phil follows in with a running lariat! Fiendish reels from the impact, and Phil hits the dirt to avoid the backfist counterstrike... Wow, that swing would've taken Phil's head off, but it just catches air, and the force of the swing turns Bobo to face the corner, and Fuego leaps into the air as Phil ducks behind Bobo's legs as a fulcrum... REVERSE FRANKENSTEINER from Fuego! EXCEPTIONAL teamwork from Phil and Fuego, who are normally mortal enemies, BBS..."
"Well, Lionel, considering how Bobo tried to murder Verbal again, neither of the two men in the ring are all that interested in being in there alone with him... Phil drops an elbow on the monster and goes for the cover as Fuego leaps on Phil's back for extra weight... 1.... Only one, as Bobo tosses the two of them off like a blanket and a sheet at sunrise..."
"You still have that redneck way of turning a phrase, don't'cha, BBS?"
"HUSH... Bobo gets to his feet as Phil and Fuego untangle themselves, and he delivers a DECIMATING double clothesline that sends the two cruisers to the mat hard... He places his hands on both of their chests, and the referee counts... 1.... 2.... BOTH of them kick out at two, and I don't believe Bobo was really trying to pin them in such a disrespectful fashion..."
"He wasn't... It was a message..."
"Well, it doesn't seem to be a message either man wanted to hear, as they've scrambled to their feet and are taking the boots to the ex-Heavyweight Champion... Bobo just sitting there as the two cruisers whale away on him... They seem to think he's been softened up enough, and they haul Bobo to a vertical base... Double Irish Whip sends Bobo to the corner, and Fuego charges Fiendish with a corner splash... CONNECTS, but Bobo has grabbed Fuego's legs, and steps out of the corner and - BAM! - Anklegrab Powerbomb sends the luchadore to the mat HARD... Phil rushes in to assist, but Bobo still holding onto Fuego takes a pivot and HUMAN RUGBEATER! Swings the luchadore like a baseball bat and SLAMS him into the charging Phil... Phil goes down, and Bobo takes another pivot, and Fuego hurtles through the air and is brought down hard on the mat again Droopy-Dog Style... Phil shakily getting to his feet, and he gets clobbered again as Bobo retakes the pivot and brings Fuego into the Hardcore Homo like a Mexican Wrecking Ball... Bobo releases Fuego, and Phil falls out of the corner he was knocked into, and on top of the obviously unconscious Fuego... The referee makes the count... 1.... 2.... 3...! Phil has pinned Fuego, eliminating him, and he's in there with the monster all alone... Bobo serveys the damage, and raises a single finger that he shakes 'No-No' at the battered Phil... Phil pulls himself up with the ropes, and spits right in Bobo's face in defiance..."
"DEFINITELY not the thing to do, BBS, as Bobo spins Phil ballet-style with a brutal left-handed backfist... And then spins him the other way with a RIGHT handed backfist! But Phil retaliates with a Dropkick to Fiendish's knee that takes the monster off his feet! Phil feeling an adrenaline surge, and he leaps to his feet and rushes behind Bobo... He signals for the Revenge, and the crowd is on its feet!! Bobo is getting to his feet, and Phil moves in... Phil has CLAMPED on the Homo's Revenge!! Bobo isn't even struggling as Phil grinds the hold, and the referee asks the monster if he's had enough, but Bobo shakes no, and gets to his FEET! Phil dangling off Fiendish's back, still holding on with the Revenge... Bobo walks over to the ropes, and takes the top rope in hand... Bobo bends forward forcefully with the ropes as a fulcrum and Phil is swung over Fiendish's back! AND TO THE FLOOR OUTSIDE! Phil has been eliminated, and Hammer will get to see if Fiendish is 'Marine Proof' or not very shortly for the PRC...."
"I can't believe he's a human being... Not after that... He tossed Phil off him like a brahma bull tosses a thirty pound cowboy with grease on his hands..."
"Again... You really have a way with words, BBS... The wrong way..."
"HUSH..."


"And now we'll have the next big pointless rumble, Cobb, as the participants in Ring Four start to make their way to the squared circle... First to the ring is a Member of the Dark Forces, your ex-Marine... Sgt. Sledge!"
"He may not think so, but once you're a Marine, you're a Marine for -"
"Let's not get anybody sued, here, Cobb... Suffice to say that you feel he'll go stupid again and start waving your feeble Old Glory, rather than stay with the winning team..."
"I wouldn't put it that way, Tanis..."
"Obviously your vocabulary is a failing of the public schools... What can I say? Written language was probably only three years old when you were in school in the first place..."
"Let's not get nasty..."
"'Get' assumes that I'm in transition... It is used erroneously..."
"Sheesh... And right behind Sledge is the powerful Zeus, escorted by his manager, LJ Hades... Zeus has got to be considered a contender in this, as he's the biggest man in this particular skirmish... His strength and determination will make him a difficult man to eliminate..."
"And following the goofy Greek is another member of the Dark Forces... Former TV Champion Azmodeis... Azmodeis' skill and defensive ability make him a TRUE contender in this match, Cobb... For all your precious Greek's strength, he usually comes up short in the application... This is why his win-loss ratio looks like the batting average of a second string pitcher..."
"Baseball references from the suit?"
"Spring training IS coming up... I was considering an intramural baseball team of the wrestlers here as one of my sweeping changes in the tarnished image of this fed... Charity games might not make one forget that our Champions are illegal aliens, has-been ghetto trash, or Known Felons; but it could at least make the fans know that it's not ALL they are... And that's a good thing..."
"Thanks, Martha... And next down the aisle is... What's that music...?"
"Derringer, I think... From the 'Rock and Wrestling' Era, if I'm not mistaken... Well, look at that, won't you?"
"HULK HOGAN, BACK FROM THE GRAVE!"
"Uh, no... If I recall, the freak boxed him up a long time ago... No, this is the 'Real American' Stalingrad, and look how happy he is to be here, proudly wearing that trademark yellow and red..."
"He doesn't LOOK happy..."
"Awww.... Glaucoma kicking in? I hate when THAT happens..."
"Smartass... I see FINE. I meant that he looks more like he's ready to tear somebody's head off... Obviously, at least to people that are living in the real world, Stalingrad HATES his present circumstance, and that cornball tune from the eighties is enough to gag anybody - even a guy as patriotic as yours truly... Somebody cut off that damn crap! Sheesh..."
"And now that the Real American is in the ring, we've got the present Television Champ coming to the ring... The Poacher... And y'know, when I look at those leopard skin printed tights he's got on, I think we've got a prime suspect for the guy that robbed Huggy Bear's closet... Oh wait, he's in that Hard Knock School WITH Huggy Bear... I guess that's the school uniform, then...."
"And they say _I_ rag on the wrestlers..."
"Bow to the king, if your hip replacement's up to it..."
"....Anyway... With everyone in the ring now, we can get this fourth match underway... And we're off to an interesting start as Azmodeis punches SLEDGE in the mouth - his own stablemate! Stalingrad cinches Zeus in a front chancery and staggers him back with a FIERCE kneelift... But Zeus fires back with a Giant Boot - taking a page right out of the Real American's playbook... Poacher has entered into the fray between Azmo and Sledge, and both men turn on him and start up a double team beatdown... Poacher dives between the two members of the Dark Forces, and rolls to his feet RIGHT into the hands of Stalingrad, who takes the TV Champ to the mat with a side Russian Leg Sweep... Azmodeis and Sledge, now free of the interloping Poacher, go back to punching each other shot for shot... Sledge and Azmo lock up, and Sledge gives Azmo the Irish Whip right into Stalingrad! Double shoulder block, and neither man gives an inch..."
"Zeus attempts to lock up with Poacher, but the TV Champ sends the Greek to the mat with a series of kneelifts to the head... Poacher moves to press the advantage, but is grabbed by Sledge and sent to the mat with a stiff forearm shiver... Azmo and Stalingrad lock up, and Azmo executes a standing switch that he follows up with an Irish Whip to the corner... Stalingrad hits the corner hard... Now Sledge and Azmodeis team up again for a double dropkick on the Real American that catches him square, and he's got nowhere to go as he sucks up a dual assault from the Dark Forces, and he goes down on his duff in the corner to reconsider his career... Zeus has gotten to his feet, and delivers a scoop slam to the TV Champ that he follows up with a quick fist drop that catches Poacher right in the sternum... Zeus now yanks Poacher to a vertical base, and he sees Azmodeis coming at him from behind with a double axehandle... The Greek ducks, and Poacher gets CLOBBERED by the former TV Champ... Sledge taking the boots to the Real American in the corner, and Zeus and Azmodeis lock up... Zeus apparently still nursing a grudge from when Azmodeis sidelined him with a dislocated shoulder, as the Greek gives the former TV Champ a Choke Lift...."
"Meanwhile, Sledge has stomped the stuffing out of Stalingrad, but he sees his new buddy Azmodeis getting choked, and moves in to give an assist... Zeus really hard to sneak up on tonight as he tosses Azmodeis into Sledge... Both members of the Dark Forces go down in a tangle, and Zeus has a split second to savor his handiwork before Poacher CLOCKS him from behind... Zeus lurches forward a couple steps, and Poacher moves in to capitalize, and -WOW- Zeus executes a CRISP back thrust kick that catches Poacher right between the eyes! Poacher staggers from the surprise impact, and Zeus spins on him with speed belying his bulk and just takes his HEAD OFF with a ridge-hand strike! Poacher's on his back, and Sledge and Azmodeis are on their feet taking the boots to Stalingrad some more... Zeus moves in on the Dark Forces, and dishes out the double coconuts! Sledge hits the mat, and Azmodeis staggers against the ropes... Zeus right on top of him with a short-arm clothesline, and Azmodeis topples out of the ring!"
"DAMN! With Azmodeis eliminated, Sledge is the only member of the Dark Forces remaining... Sledge rolls out of the reach of Zeus, who now has his hands on Stalingrad... Poacher getting to his feet, and Sledge is already upon the TV Champ... Poacher takes a swing at the ex-Marine, but Sledge ducks it and takes the wildman down hard with a single-arm DDT! He quickly flows that into a Fuchiwara Armbar, and twists it with gusto... Poacher thumbs Sledge in the eye to free himself, which is pretty typical for the scumbag... I guess 'hardcore' means you only cheat when you start losing...."
"Aside from you having an attitude that's big enough to block out the sun, what do you have against Poacher, TT?"
"The usual... He's another of this fed's paper champs... Who has he really beaten? The Greek and the Geek... Big whoop... Zeus has been a hack since birth, and Verbal couldn't carry a hack's BAGS on his best day... Sure they look pretty on TV, but in the ring against even slightly talented scumbags, they get beat up like red-headed stepkids...
"Uh, whatever... Stalingrad taking a beating at the hands of the Greek while Poacher and Sledge are slugging in out on the other side of the ring... Poacher takes a wild swing, but misses by a mile... Sledge grabs the Champ in a waistlock and brings him up for an Atomic Drop... HOLY MOSES! Sledge brought Poacher up for the Drop, but instead of bringing him down on his knee, he turned to face the outside and heaved Poacher over the top and back first across the steel rail! The TV Champ is eliminated, and maybe injured to boot..."
"And then there were three... Sledge taking a moment to regroup, and the Real American is firing back a couple shots... He's taken a real American pounding in there, and his shots really not doing much to the Greek - who's really in the zone at this moment - and the crowd's really getting behind him... Scoop and a slam for Stalingrad, which the Greek follows up with a legdrop... He covers! 1.... 2.... Oh my GOD, Stalingrad KICKS OUT at TWO! Obviously, being thrashed about by Fiendish all these weeks has significantly increased his damage threshold... Zeus takes it all in stride, though, and hauls the Real American to a vertical base... Stalingrad rakes the Greek's face, momentarily blinding him, and Zeus gets decked from behind by the stealthy Sledge... Sledge follows up with a kneedrop right across Zeus' forehead, and goes for a cover himself... 1.... Only one, as Zeus kicks out with gusto, apparently immune to headshots considering you need a brain to register damage. Sledge goes sailing, and Zeus leaps to a vertical base... But Stalingrad leaps into the air in a Thesz Press, and applies a little Soviet Re-Education to the dome of the Greek - a waste of time, considering how well the Greek retains education of any kind... Sledge gets to his feet, and he knocks Stalingrad off Zeus with a VICIOUS Western Lariat that flips Stalingrad upside down... Sledge on a roll now as he hauls Zeus to a vertical base, and Irish Whips him into the corner... Follows him in on all eight cylinders and clotheslines the HELL out of Zeus, who has nowhere to go in the corner..."
"The Greek took every bit of that shot, TT, and it may have looped him a little... Sledge signals the crowd that Zeus is about to come down with a Hangover, and the crowd is on its feet... Zeus still a little groggy from that lariat, and Sledge taking his time here as he climbs to the second turnbuckle and wrenches Zeus up and onto his shoulder for that big powerbomb... What the-? Stalingrad leaps to his feet and charges the corner where Sledge and Zeus are on the turnbuckles... DROPKICK! Sledge loses his balance, and he topples out of the ring, with Zeus' considerable bulk on top of him... RIGHT THROUGH the Timekeeper's Table, and the TIMEKEEPER! The poor bastard... He never had a chance... Stalingrad falls face-first to the mat partly from the tremendous effort - and mostly from the heartless thrashing he's taken in there, and it's not over yet as he has a mere five minutes to rest before he takes on Caster for the Atlantic Regional Championship... Looks like a bumper crop for the local Emergency Room tonight, TT..."
"Hmmm... Maybe they'll give us a group discount... On lobotomies...."
"Ouch..."

"And now that the rest period is over, we can go on to the first of tonight's Main Events... The VERY fresh Sgt. Hammer is going to take on Bobo Fiendish for the Pacific Regional Championship. After the grueling match Bobo was in just a few minutes ago, logic says that Hammer is the favorite in this one..."
"True, BBS, but never underestimate the ex-Heavyweight Champion... And we have Hammer coming to the ring right now to the Marine Corps Hymn, and he's ready to go with hardly a scratch on him... He's looking VERY ready to go, and that will bring out the freak next... Bobo's now striding down the aisle, and the crowd is going nuts... Hard to believe a monster like Fiendish has so many fans, isn't it?"
"Well, I think it shows how far we've slid as a society, Lionel... For something like Bobo to be revered so by the people... It just gives me the chills... Look at all those Dark Star and Bobo shirts in the crowd... It's scary..."
"Well, remember that everything Bobo is supposed to make - including T-shirt royalties - goes into a fund to benefit his MANY victims... Federal law prevents someone benefitting from their crimes directly, after all... Bobo has even stated he doesn't WANT anyone to buy these items, but the fans need to show support for their favorites on some level, so the T-shirt sells like crazy... Personally, I think the shirt is a bit disturbing all by itself, but - to coin a phrase - I digress..."
"And with both men in the ring, we can get the show on the road... The referee has checked both men for weapons, and has found them to be 'clean' so he signals for the bell to get this started... Bobo immediately rakes the face of Hammer and then pops him with an open-hand jab... Hammer locks up with Bobo, but Fiendish whips him to the corner... Hammer hits hard and staggers out and INTO an armdrag from Bobo... Hammer, however, gamely rolls to a vertical base lickety-split, and dishes out a straight right hand to Fiendish... He follows up with an uppercut to the midsection, but Bobo fires back with a clubbing forearm to the back and a stomp to the Sarge's back... Bobo hauls Hammer to a vertical base for some more, but Hammer takes Bobo to the mat with a back heel trip! He quickly sits on Fiendish's chest and starts peppering him with rights and lefts..."
"But Bobo shoves Hammer off and leaps to his feet... Hammer has also gotten to a vertical base and he and Bobo trade shots in the middle of the ring... Knife-edge chop from Hammer... Left hook from Bobo... Hammer grabs Bobo and gives him the Irish Whip, but Bobo hangs onto the ropes to break up the momentum... Hammer rushes in anyway and dropkicks Bobo, but Fiendish shoves his feet away to counter, and Hammer hits the mat... The Marine scrambles out of the way as Bobo tries for an elbow drop, and now both men are getting to their feet... Hammer's up first, and he Irish Whips Bobo to the corner... He follows him in, and starts a barrage of boots to the midsection... Bobo puts the brakes on it by tying Hammer up in a front chancery... Hammer surges forward, though, and slams Bobo back into the corner with a shoulder to the midsection... Bobo fires back with a double axe-handle to the back of the head, and Hammer goes down... Bobo slaps on an ankle twist, but Hammer's too close to the ropes, and the referee calls for the break..."
"But Hammer quickly turns the tables on the freak by applying a choke sleeper... However, he's made the same mistake as Bobo easily reaches the ropes for the break... Both men get to their feet, and Bobo cracks Hammer with a knife-edge chop... Hammer responds with a SPINNING NECKBREAKER! Hammer may be on a roll as he delivers a kick to the thigh on the fallen freak... But Bobo shoves Hammer away with his free leg and gets to his feet."
"Hammer rushes in to continue the attack, BBS, but Bobo scoops him up for a Backbreaker! The freak holds on to the Marine, and proceeds to send him to the mat with a high angle slam... Bobo hauls Hammer to a vertical base, and brings him up for a pancake facebuster... Hammer gets to a vertical base under his own power and he and Bobo lock up again... Bobo absorbs a kneelift to the midsection, and gutwrenches the Marine up for a REVERSE SHOULDERBREAKER! He follows that up with a Cross Armbreaker to maximize the damage, and the Marine is in some trouble... Luckily, he's able to get a foot on the bottom rope to get the break... Bobo leaps to his feet and waits for Hammer to haul himself up... Hammer does, and he cracks Fiendish on the side of the head with an Inside Crescent Kick, but Bobo retaliates with a clothesline that sends Hammer back down in the middle of the ring... Bobo re-applies the cross armbreaker, and the referee asks if Hammer's had enough... Hammer shakes no, and Bobo wrenches the hold some more... The referee asks again, and Hammer still refuses to quit... Bobo releases the hold to try for another tact... He hauls the Marine to a vertical base, but Hammer thumbs him in the eye! Hammer goes for a vertical suplex, but Bobo blocks it... REVERSAL! Hammer hits the mat hard due to exceptional ring savvy from the freak, and Bobo hauls him back up for a leaping ridgehand chop to the shoulder that sends Hammer to the mat..."
"Bobo's really concentrating on the arm and shoulder of Hammer, Lionel, perhaps to neutralize the brawler's effectiveness...? Bobo runs to the ropes to gather steam and SPLASHES the fallen Marine for a pinning combination! 1.... 2.... Hammer kicks out at two, which is a VERY strong testament to the purported Marine toughness... Hammer and Bobo get to their feet at the same time, and Hammer gives Bobo a DDT! Bobo practically BOUNCES to a vertical base, and he snatches Hammer up for a Fisherman's Suplex... NO! Fisherman's DDT! Bobo drags the battered Marine away from the ropes, and slaps on an Anklelock Submission... The referee approaches, but Hamemr refuses to yield... Bobo shoves down hard, really stressing the ligaments of the marine, but Hammer still won't quit... The referee asks again, but Hammer shakes no and uses his free leg to kick Bobo's feet out from under him, breaking the hold... Exceptional counter-wrestling from Hammer, who's proving he's much more than a brawler... Bobo and Hammer lock up, and Bobo applies a double underhook... He yanks up, but Hammer blocks the suplex attempt... And REVERSES the Double Underhook Suplex with a Backdrop! Bobo rolls to a vertical base, but Hammer snapmares the freak back down... Hammer now hauls Bobo upright, and CLOBBERS him with a leaping back brain kick! Bobo goes down on one knee, and Hammer - feeling an adrenaline surge - rocks the freak with a series of kneelifts to the head! Bobo hits the mat, and Hammer straddles him for a series of rights and lefts... The referee asks if Bobo's ready to quit, but Bobo answers by heaving Hammer off his chest and getting to his feet... Both men get to their feet, and Hammer rushes in to press the attack..."
"And gets CHOKESLAMMED across the monster's knee for his trouble... Hammer may be in danger now as Bobo wishbones his legs and delivers a brutal stomp to the midsection - and that'll just take all the air right out of you, BBS... Bobo delivers a SECOND crushing stomp, and then yanks Hammer up by his collar... But Hammer uses the momentum Bobo gave him to POWERSLAM the monster! He goes for the cover! 1.... 2.... Bobo kicks out at two! Hammer pounds the mat in frustration, and snatches Bobo to a vertical base again... But Bobo puts the brakes on hard as he clamps on a chokehold and lifts the Marine in what could be another chokeslam... He's NOT DROPPING HIM! Bobo instead runs to the corner and UP the turnbuckles STILL with Hammer held in the air by the throat! Bobo leaps off the top turnbuckle, twisting in midair to SLAM Hammer across his knee in the middle of the ring! My GOD! Bobo's snatches Hammer up, and the Marine's like a ragdoll... He's obviously out of it from that HORRENDOUS Chokeslam Backbreaker from the top, but Bobo's still not done... He applies the Dragon Sleeper!! Flows into the Reverse DDT! Now he rolls Hammer over, and pulls backwards sharply - finishing the Rolling Angel of Death with that sidecar-style Camel Clutch, and the referee sees that Hammer can no longer continue and instructs Bobo to release the hold... He shoves Hammer facefirst into the mat in contempt and the referee raises the hands of the freak - the new Pacific Regional Champion!! He now hands Bobo the belt, and Bobo raises it high as the fans go berserk... Bobo looks at the belt in his hands, and shakes the 'No-No' to the crowd... What the hell? Bobo PUNCHES the Championship Buckle - SHATTERING IT! The freak takes what's left of the belt in his hands and RIPS IT IN HALF! He's now WHIPPING the fallen Hammer with the remnants of the PRC Belt!! What the hell did he do that for, BBS?"
"I have no idea, Lionel... We've always known Fiendish was a sick pup, but to reject the belt he won? I haven't seen anything like it since Shane Douglas refused to accept the NWA Championship after he won it, but even Shane didn't DESTROY the belt... Bobo spreads the pieces of the belt around Hammer and raises his limp arm... This is a horrific slap in the face to the Championship Committee, as Bobo GIVES the destroyed PRC to HAMMER... I hope the marine has a lot of duct tape if he plans to accept this belt... Bobo showing that it's one thing to be Marine Proof, but being Monster Proof is a whole other story... The echoes of this disrespect will shake the NWF to its foundation, and I think Bobo's just made another enemy for life..."

"And with the rest period coming to a close, we get to have a Dark Star match as Caster - half of the paper tag champs, faces the longtime loser Stalingrad in a match that pretty much guarantees a Dark Star will have a belt... Pretty sad, really..."
"HEY! C'mon, TT... First off, Stalingrad is NOT a Dark Star... He's Bobo's valet due to a stipulations match, but he's not part of the dysfunctional family... Second, I wish you'd get off that conspiracy kick... It's lame. Really. Just because the Revolution/School of Hard Knocks messed up your Dark Forces' Tag Team shot, you think they're all paid lackies who do the Pres' bidding..."
"Aren't they? All that talk they do aside, don't they just do exactly what the President wants? All the champions here are hand picked, and won't fight anyone who'll be able to beat them. Look how the headmaster of the School ducks and dodges... Look at the Mighty Hunter's choice of opponents... And MOST IMPORTANT... Look how the Tag Team Belts are withheld from the only Championship caliber team HERE... It's pathetic..."
"It's not alone... With Caster in the ring, Stalingrad comes to the ring to the Rock and Wrestling Stylings of Supergroup Derringer... Attaboy... Fight for the right of every man... Hyeh HEE!"
"Stalingrad enters the ring, and the referee makes sure it's going to be a clean fight... Right. A clean fight HERE... THAT'LL be the day..."
"Dammit, TT... Just stop it..."
"Never. And there's the bell... Caster immediately takes the Real American over with a deep arm drag... Stalingrad gets to his feet, and gets taken down by ANOTHER deep arm drag... The Ring Wizard doesn't seem to have a lot in his bag of tricks... He hauls Stalingrad up again, but Stalingrad clamps on a side headlock and lays a few punches into the skull of the Magic Man... Caster staggers back a few steps and Stalingrad closes the gap and lays into Caster with a barrage of overhand rights and lefts... Caster ties up with the Real American and takes him over with a Snap Suplex... Stalingrad gets quickly to his feet, and gives Caster the Irish Whip... Caster comes off the ropes and takes a High Backdrop from the Real American! But Caster rolls upright and both men start exchanging shots toe-to-toe... Caster doubles up on the jab... Stalingrad replies with a forearm shiver... Caster with a boot to the midsection... Stalingrad with a kneelift that backs up the Ring Wizard... The Real American follows it up with an Irish Whip to the corner and follows in with a Corner Splash! Caster staggered by the all-out assault, and Stalingrad BULLDOGS him out of the corner! Stalingrad goes for the cover, admittedly pretty early, and Caster kicks out at one... Both men get to their feet, and Caster brings the Real American up in a vertical Suplex... But Stalingrad wiggles free, and lands behind Caster! He goes for a waistlock, but Caster counters with his OWN bulldog, and both men haul themselves upright... They lock up, and Caster goes for a hiptoss... Stalingrad floats over - countering the hiptoss, and reverses it - sending Caster to the mat with an armdrag!"
"Excellent chain wrestling from both men, TT... Caster now is going for a piledriver, but Stalingrad kicks his legs, and prevents the piledriver... And REVERSES, bringing Caster up in a backdrop... NO! Stalingrad halts midlift and SPINEBUSTERS the Ring Wizard! He hauls Caster up in a waistlock and bends him backwards to deliver a CRUSHING elbow to the sternum that sends Caster to the mat... Stalingrad follows up with a kick to the thigh of the Ring Wizard, but Caster retaliates by shoving back hard with the leg still in the Real American's hands, and Stalingrad stumbles back as Caster uses the momentum to get to a vertical base... Stalingrad comes off the ropes, and Caster brings him down in a Sidewalk Slam! Caster follows up with a leaping Kneedrop that creases Stalingrad's forehead, and I think he's busted open... Caster now goes for the Giant Swing, and round and round goes the Real American before Caster releases him and he goes flying into the CORNER! I think he hit his shoulder on the RINGPOST, and Stalingrad's in some real trouble here... Caster hauls him to a vertical base, but Stalingrad firing back out of desperation... Forearm shot... Boot to the midsection... Overhand right! Caster goes back under the deluge, and Stalingrad keeps coming... But Caster takes the Real American down with a legscissor!"
"Well, that stops that train... Caster took Stalingrad down pretty hard, and he follows that up with a legdrop to the back of the Real American's head... Stalingrad trying to rally to his feet, and Caster grabs him for a powerbomb... But Stalingrad counters with a double leg pickup, and takes the Ring Wizard to the mat... He hooks the leg for the lateral press! 1.... 2.... Caster kicks out at two, and leaps upright as Stalingrad tries to shake off the cobwebs... He grabs Stalingrad in a gutwrench and brings him up... And DOWN in a Lapis Spine Powerbomb! Stalingrad goes down hard, and Caster hangs on for a pin... 1.... 2.... Stalingrad kicks out at two... Obviously, Stalingrad's showing the fans that he can take his share of punishment and some of the next guy's as well... For some reason, the fans here respect that..."
"Both men get to their feet, and Stalingrad delivers a Reverse Atomic Drop to the Ring Wizard! Caster reels from the impact, and Stalingrad spins him around for a Side Russian Leg Sweep! But Caster slips the hold and Stalingrad goes down solo pretty hard... Caster brings Stalingrad to a vertical base, but Stalingrad must've been playing possum as he delivers a European Uppercut that rocks the Magic Man... Stalingrad seems to be going for a Northern Lights Suplex... But Caster blocks the lift... And REVERSES with a Jumping DDT! Caster hauls Stalingrad to his feet, and the Real American looks a little wobbly as Caster comes off the ropes... And SPEARS the Real American out of his BOOTS! Caster now straddles Stalingrad and lays into his mush with alternating right and left open hand shots... Stalingrad manages to push Caster off him, but only after absorbing a lot of punishing strikes to the skimmer... Stalingrad a little shaky as he gets to his feet, and Caster comes in fast with a Lariat... Stalingrad DUCKS and gets the Ring Wizard in a waistlock... Belly to Back Release German Suplex sends Caster halfway across the ring and onto the back of his head! Stalingrad climbs the turnbuckle, and goes for a Guillotine Legdrop... NOBODY HOME! Caster drops a Corkscrew Elbow on the back of Stalingrad's head, and follows that by running to the ropes to get momentum for a leaping kneelift that crashes down on the shoulder of the Real American! Caster raises his hands, and the crowd goes wild..."
"Fickle aren't they? Caster snatches the battered Stalingrad to a vertical base, and applies a rear chancery... He then steps past Stalingrad's legs, in effect straddling him vertically... Stalingrad trying to punch his way free, but there's nothing behind those shots... Caster sits down, placing his posterior on the calves of the Real American in a VERY interesting modification of the surfboard as he still has Stalingrad by the head... Caster locks his hands, and that'll neutralize any leverage Stalingrad could have used to escape the hold... What's that called, Cobb?"
"The StarCrossed! Caster has put Stalingrad in the dreaded Starcrossed Submission, and Stalingrad - already pretty battered - taps almost immediately... Caster has won the ARC! Caster has made history as he's the first man to have held three different belts, and two at ONCE, and the first ARC Champ!"
"Whoop-de-doo... Now he can dodge people coming to take TWO belts... Yay."
"You really have an attitude problem... Seriously... Have you considered counseling?"
"Why? There's nothing wrong with me a little JUSTICE couldn't fix... That about covers it for this end, Lionel... How about you?"

"We're pretty much wrapped up now, Tanis... Thanks for the assist..."

"Bah. Don't ever do this to me again, or I'll sue this podunk promotion to the STONE AGE... Get a new announcer or something... Maybe that cop that hangs out with Lett all the time... He's at least stupid enough to WANT this kind of work..."

"We'll definitely look into it... And that's about it for the Hard Luck Showdown, folks... On behalf of the NWF Crew, let me say Good Night, and Drive Safely...."
"Hey, MICK, shag any SHEEP lately?"
"Oh shyte.... I gotta go... NOW."

End of broadcast...