"...are awaiting the great 'Asian Sensation's appearance to stomp on this jackass... Well, TOUGH. Midnight say before that Midnight not TOLD who Midnight fight... President Jack Ass, Midnight will fight WHEN he want... WHO he want... HOW he want... You had your little tourney and cheated Midnight most foul! Let PRIVATE SLUDGE smack me with sledgehammer... That only way Midnight can be beat! YOU know it. MIDNIGHT know it. Now FANS know it... Tiger... Midnight have no reason to wipe floor with you... You great wrestler... Of course, not so great as Midnight, but still okay... Midnight cut you break, and not break your legs tonight... Give you chance to heal from when jackass BOBO counter your move... Very nice of Midnight... You not even have to send thank-you note, since Midnight know you can't hold pencil in paw... That it... Sayonara, JACKASSES..."

"Hey, that IS mighty nice..."
"Nice? You nutjob! Dr. Midnight has disgraced Tiger! He's disgraced the sport!"
"But the referee is raising that Tiger guy's hand..."
"Apparently, the referee has decided to award the match to Tiger by default... Good call!"
"First time for everything, huh?"
"Shut your hole! As Tiger leaves the ring, we'll get ready for our next match... That BASTARD, Gas Chamber against the newcomer, Verbal... As the fans will recall, Verbal was pinned during the Penance match last Saturday... Obviously, GC has decided to punish him for failing..."
"Failing? Does that mean Verbal has to go to summer school? He'll miss CAMP! Can't GC give him another chance?"
"Does it ever stop with you? Verbal is now in the ring, but without his pet weirdo, Tim... Strange..."
"He has a pet weirdo named Tim Strange? That beats me, I only have a dog named Spunky..."
".... Anyway... Now GC is coming to the ring... He looks pretty mad, too... The ref calls for the bell, and GC FLOORS Verbal with a Discus Clothesline!"
"Why would we discuss clotheslines? I have a dryer..."
"That's not what I said, Phil... GC is picking Verbal up, and Verbal takes a shortcut! GC staggers back..."
"Very crisp European Uppercut to GC's one-eyed soldier, Dan... THAT's gonna leave a mark..."
"Not as big a one as that Double Axehandle that GC laid on Verbal... GC goes for the elbow, but Verbal rolls out of the way!"
"Exactly what I would have done, Dan.... Now Verbal is taking the boots to GC... GC rolls out of the ring like a yellow coward! Verbal takes to the air after the big critter, but NO! GC caught him in mid-pescato and dropped him throat first across the outside rail... I guess Verbal's out of the glee club, now..."
"Verbal is obviously lumped up by that vicious counter, and is writhing in pain on the outside..."
"Counter? I thought he was Gas Chamber..."
"Enough, okay? GC rolls Verbal into the ring, and grabs a chair on his way in..."
"HEY! That fan paid good money for that chair! Give it back, you big meanie!"
"Looks like he'd rather give it to Verbal, Phil... Ouch.... He's REALLY giving it to Verbal, don't you agree?"
"No he isn't! He's teasing Verbal! Look how close he gets that supposed gift chair to Verbal before he snatches it away! Luckily, Verbal is protected by my mighty telepathic shield!"
"You don't have a telepathic shield...."
"I TOLD you I gave it to Verbal... Listen once in a while, Dan..."
"Must be low on batteries, then.... It looks like GC is beating Verbal half to death with that chair, Phil..."
"No he isn't... Verbal is such a good actor that he's FOOLING everyone... He is completely unharmed because of my telepathic shield, but is playing possum to trick that big doofus... You'll see. Once GC gets tired from bashing away at that impenetrable shield, Verbal will go for the win... See how he lulls GC into a false sense of security by letting him tie him up with the ring ropes? See how brilliantly he PRETENDS to be hurt from that chair-loaded shoulderblock from that big nincompoop? I tell you, Verbal should quit wrestling and concentrate on winning the Academy Award... Of course, this is all thanks to my telepathic shield, but I'll be happy just knowing that I'm the wind beneath his wings...."
"Uh.... Right... Now GC puts Verbal in his patented Running Tiger Bomb, and THROWS him outside! Right THROUGH the timekeeper's table! That has GOT to hurt like hell..."
"It would, Dan, if Verbal wasn't safely behind a telepathic shield.... What a GREAT actor Verbal is, don't you think?"
"Oh, sure... I especially admire his ability to bleed on cue..."
"SURE! Some actor's think if you can CRY on cue, you're something... But VERBAL is so much better than they are, that he can actually BLEED on cue... Those stiffs in Hollywood couldn't hold a candle to my buddy Verbal!"
"GC hops back outside to continue the beating... Verbal trying to fight him off, but there's just nothing behind those shots anymore... GC executes a German Suplex on Verbal... And RELEASES! Verbal hurtles through the air like a boomerang and crashes down against the steel steps! He can't take much more of this, surely...."
"Of course he can, Dan... And don't call me Shirley... The telepathic shield is still completely protecting Verbal, so of course he doesn't feel that Sidewalk Slam that the gullible Gas Chamber just put put him in... Now GC is picking him up... It looks like a Pump-Handle Slam.... to a Piledriver? What sort of move is that, Dan....?"
"The GAS CHAMBER! It's over... The referee checks Verbal, and rules that he can no longer continue... Gas Chamber wins the Deathmatch..."
"Just wait... Hey, look! I've still got the Magic Button that makes the telepathic shield.... Oops... Sorry, Verbal...."
"Can you stop being stupid, please?"
"Sure... In THEORY... Who's the next match?"
"Sergeant Sledge is coming to the ring, now that the Emergency Staff has carried Verbal to the ambulance waiting in the parking lot... As before, he is accompanied by a Marine Color Guard..."
"COOL! So his colors stay bright and his whites stay white?"
"Something like that.... And now his opponent is coming to the ring, escorted by the Lovely Lady Lava...."
"Is it getting hotter in here?"
"It is indeed, Phil... And En Fuego is coming down the aisle!"
"En Fuego? Is that Spanish...?"
"Of course it is, you simpleton! En Fuego is one of the finest luchadores to ever enter the ring... The Sarge is gonna have his hands full with this young star..."
"Lu...Cha...Dore?"
"That's what I said, Phil..."
"I've gotta go... See you around, Fat Man.... To the Fatmobile! There's a drive-thru waiting....! AWAY!"
"Well, thank God... And Phil has left for some unknown reason... Which leaves just me... Okay... The referee calls for the bell, and Sledge and EnF lock up... Sarge is backing up the smaller EnF, and pushes him into the corner... Sledge goes for an overhand right, but EnF ducks... EnF goes downstairs, and Sarge backs up... Sarge tries for a Superkick, but EnF ducks it and pushes the off balance Sarge off his feet! Sarge rolls out of the way as EnF tries for a corkscrew legdrop! Sarge and EnF get to their feet quickly and circle each other like pit bulls.... Wait a minute... Psycho Phil is on the ring apron! He's trying to get at En Fuego, but Sarge is in the way.... OOOO! Phil drops Sarge with a WICKED chairshot... He lunges at En Fuego, but En Fuego catches him with a dropkick! The referee calls for the bell.... Phil has gotten En Fuego disqualified! What the hell is THAT about? En Fuego can't believe it, but since Sledge was the first guy Phil hit, the ref figured it was a run-in for En Fuego, and has declared Sledge the winner by DQ... En Fuego lunges for Phil, but Phil is off to the races! En Fuego is running after him! They're both out of sight.... What kind of mess is this? Jeeze..."
"Hi, Dan... Sorry I'm late..."
"LIONEL! What happened to you, man?"
"I dunno... I was in the shower getting ready for tonight, but when I went to get my clothes from the closet, it was empty except for this..."
"A card? What does it say?"
"It says, 'You've been had by Ace Ventura, Pet Detective...'... Damnedest thing, isn't it?"
"No... That just left with En Fuego hot on his heels..."
"Was that a pun, Dan?"
"Sorry... It's been a long night...."
"What have I missed?"
"Everything but the Finals...."
"Bummer... Oh well... Wait a second... Is that the President of the Nightmare coming down the aisle...?"
"It surely is, Lionel... I wonder what's going on now...?"
"I haven't the slightest idea, Dan... The president has a mic, and is requesting the fans to simmer down... Patch in to his mic... Let's listen to this...."

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen... Welcome to the Gold Rush Finals for the Heavyweight Championship.... Can we have the two contestants come out please? Let's give a big hand to the 'Ring Wizard' from the great city of Chicago! Your native son.... CASTER! That's right... Step right up... Okay, brother, stand right here next to me.... Now, ladies and gentlemen... Let's give a big hand to our own native son here at the Nightmare.... BOBO FIENDISH! Please, let's refrain from throwing those $4 sodas, shall we? Thanks... Alright, Bobo, step right up here for a second..."

"That is one brave man, our Pres, standing there between those two guys..."
"I agree, Dan... Not many people would put themselves between these two, knowing how much they've come to hate each other... There's got to be a reason, but what?"
"Let's listen and find out, Lionel...."

"Alright... Now ladies and gentlemen, these two men represent the best the Nightmare has on hand... Let's give them a hand... Alright... Now, I've heard alot from these two about having others come in on each others behalf... Let me say that there WILL be a champion here tonight... And that there will be NO interference... To ensure this, I have arranged a little insurance... Fellas, would you turn up the house lights...?"

"Is that what I think it is, Lionel?"
"I think so, Dan... It looks like a cage... With a CEILING... What the hell?"

"Thanks... As you can see, I've decided to alter the requirements for this match... Just to keep it fair... We wouldn't want someone to come out and decide who's gonna be our champ by DQ, do we?"

Crowd: HELL NO!

"Alright, then... Gentlemen, when that cage comes down, it's going to be bolted to the ring apron... There will be no way out until there's a winner... There will be referees posted on all four sides of the ring, but none inside... Wouldn't want one of them to get pulled in the way to change the tide of the match, would we folks?"

Crowd: HELL NO!

"Now, I'm going to tie these ropes around your wrists, fellas... These ropes will be fastened to the steel guardrail until the ring is bolted down, so that nobody gets in an early shot or two... Once the ring is secured, these ropes will be cut, and you can have at each other... Referees? Please restrain these two in the neutral corners... Good... Fasten the ropes to the rails, now, please... Secure? Good... Now, gentlemen, whatever happens after that cage goes down is between you two... I expect to have a god damned couple of champions at the end of this match, who gets what is up to you... Let's give these Chi-Town fans a match to tell their grandkids about! That square with you fans?"

Crowd: OH HELL YEAH!

"Not exactly the answer I wanted, but I'll take it.... Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my Nightmare!"

"And the President leaves the ring, and goes back to the skybox.... Lionel, we're gonna see one hell of a match...."
"Without a doubt, Dan... And the technicians are bolting down the cage as per instructions... The referees now hop up to the aprons, and cut the participant's tethers.... And there's the bell!"
"Alright, Lionel... Looks like Caster is calling for a test of strength, and Bobo complies... The men lace fingers, and start to exert their strength against each other... Neither man moves... They break free from each other, and now Bobo calls for a test of strength... OOOO! Caster sneaks in a kick to the midsection of Fiendish!"
"Pure intensity on Caster's part, Dan... The monster absorbs the kick, and Caster follows it up with a scissor takedown that takes Bobo off his feet!"
"Bobo was only off balance for an instant after that kick, Lionel... Great follow-up from the Ring Wizard... Looks like he's going for an ankle-lock... Trying to wear the monster down.... Bobo looks like he's trying to turn... Trying to power out... WHOA! An insagiiri from the mat?"
"Bobo really pasted Caster with a hard back-heel insagiiri kick... Excellent counter from the monster... Bobo scrambles to his feet, but Caster is up first! Caster charges with a Double Axe-Handle... Bobo catches him in a bearhug! Bobo shifts his weight... Oh my GOD! Belly to belly overhead release suplex from Fiendish, and Caster hits the gate like a train-wreck!"
"What a move, Lionel! Caster has got to be feeling that one.... Bobo stalks over to Caster's prone form... He begins to pull Caster to his feet, but the Ring Wizard punches free!"
"That looked a little low, though, Dan... Obviously Caster is in full survival mode... He grabs Bobo... Could it be? BODY SLAM! Caster has dumped Fiendish onto his back like a sack of potatoes! He goes for a legdrop, but Bobo rolls out of the way!"
"Little early for that stuff on Fiendish, Lionel... The two men leap to their feet and circle each other like sharks.... They go to a collar and elbow tie-up... But Bobo is showing he has plenty left, as he forces Caster to one knee.... OOO! Caster eats a knee from Fiendish! Fiendish hauls him to his feet and executes a hip-block throw!"
"Caster's turn to sprawl on the mat, I guess, Dan.... He starts to get to his feet, but Bobo NAILS him with a seated dropkick! Ouch.... That'll cost you a few teeth, Dan..."
"And now Bobo seems in full control, as he scoops Caster up for a bodyslam of his own... Caster wriggles free! He grabs Bobo from behind, and executes a Saito Suplex on the monster! What ring smarts on Caster's part! Caster presses his advantage and starts to haul Bobo to a vertical base.... He does, and Irish Whips Bobo into the gate! The monster slowly turns around to face Caster, seemingly unaffected by the steel....Caster steps back a little, obviously wondering what it's gonna take to bring this human freight train to a halt...."
"And Bobo stalks towards Caster... Caster throws a looping right... Bobo blocks... Bobo swings back... Caster blocks! Caster starts to swing and Bobo starts to block... NO... Caster feinted! Caster leg-dives Fiendish and takes the big man down to one knee.... Bobo grabs Caster and executes a chestbreaker! Caster staggers back, taken by surprise..."
"He obviously thought Bobo fell all the way down, Lionel, but Fiendish kept his balance and made Caster pay for it... You can't take your eyes off Fiendish for a second, or he'll make you pay dearly...."
"Something Caster knows pretty good now, I think.... The two men go for another collar and elbow tie-up.... Caster trying to use his height advantage for leverage.... Nothing... WOW! He shoulders Fiendish in the midsection, and executes a standing back-drop! Bobo hits the mat like a plane crash, and Caster quickly follows up... He's taking the boots to the monster!"
"Anybody else, and I'd say that Caster had it in the bag, Lionel... But Bobo is just so tough... OOOO! And Bobo punches Caster right in the nether-regions! That was UGLY!"
"Well, you'll recall that Caster nailed Bobo a little low earlier, Dan... Bobo might not take revenge right away, but he WILL take it... Now Bobo is in a vertical base, and he applies his Iron Claw to the back of Caster's neck! Caster is trying to break free, but he can't get the leverage! Bobo RAMS him into the cage like he's trying to knock it over! Caster comes up bloody! Bobo GRINDING that Iron Claw on the neck of Caster! Caster's flailing away, trying to shake free... He catches Bobo with a wild back elbow! Bobo releases the Claw.... Caster starts to turn to face Fiendish, but eats a GIANT BOOT!"
"Bobo really sandwiched Caster's head between his foot and the cage, Lionel... Caster goes down face first.... Bobo rolls him over... 1.... 2.... Caster kicks out!"
"I thought Bobo had him there, Dan.... Excellent show of heart from the Magic Man..."
"Bobo hauls Caster to his feet to wear down on him a little more... Fiendish with the Irish Whip.... REVERSAL! Caster throws Bobo into the steel again! Caster follows up with a flying shoulder tackle, but Bobo sidesteps and guides Caster into the steel!"
"Great agility on the monster's part, Dan... Excellent ring savvy... He uses Caster's momentum to his own advantage, and Caster goes down in a heap.... Bobo hauls him up, and tries to ram him into the steel again... BLOCKED! Caster rams Bobo into the cage instead! Bobo staggers back...Caster grabs Bobo up for a bodyslam.... and PILEDRIVES him! Is that a Michinoku Driver or a Juvi Driver?"
"Whatever, Lionel... It works... Caster goes for the cover! 1.... 2.... Bobo kicks out! So CLOSE! Caster pounds the mat in frustration! He's gotta be disappointed, Lionel...."
"If at first you don't succeed, Dan.... Caster covers him again... 1.... 2.... NO... Fiendish kicks free.... He pulls Bobo to a vertical base, and executes a textbook Samoan Drop! He goes for an elbow drop... CONNECTS! He pulls Bobo to his feet... applies a double-underhook.... SUPLEX! Bobo hits the mat! Caster goes for the cover.... 1.... 2.... NO! Fiendish kicks out at two.... He almost had him there, Dan, and the frustration is really showing on the Magic Man as he pounds the mat in disappointment..."
"He's wasting time, Lionel... That can come back to haunt him.... He pulls Bobo up again, and it looks like he's going for a suplex.... Bobo blocks it... He tries again... Again Bobo blocks it... Bobo grabs Caster's leg... Fisherman's Vertical Suplex from the monster... to a DDT! He spiked Caster like a lawn-dart with that one! He goes for the pin! 1.... 2.... Caster kicks out! I can't believe it! Bobo takes it in stride, and pulls Caster to his feet... Waistlock... STUNGUN onto the cage-wall! Caster really torn up by that one, Lionel, and he's writhing in agony... Bobo has a good laugh, and starts to mercilessly boot Caster in the head! How much more can either man take? Caster tries to get to his feet.... Bobo comes in.... Caster goes for a springing clothesline! Bobo CAUGHT him! Single arm DDT! Bobo still has Caster by the arm, and it looks like a cross-arm breaker... Bobo's really got that clamped on... Caster trying to break free.... Bobo pulls back, forcing Caster face-down again..."
"I don't know how much Caster can take... Bobo floats over Caster's back, still holding the arm... Bobo pushes Caster's other arm into view with his toe, and grapevines his legs around it! It's like an inverted bow and arrow! Bobo sits up, adding more pressure... It's just too much.... Caster taps OUT! Caster TAPS OUT! We have a new champion!"
"Technically, Lionel, we have TWO... Caster will take the TV strap... What a determined showing from both men, the crowd is on it's feet.... Fireworks are going off.... A few fans throw sodas, but they still have a Champ in Chi-town... Tomorrow's another day... Bobo has released the hold, and is awaiting the technicians to unbolt the cage... They have, and the cage comes up.... Bobo raises his hands in victory! The fans are going nuts! Security has to stop a few of them from charging the ring... Bobo slowly turns to the prone form of Caster, and hauls him to his feet....."
"What the hell else can that monster do to him, Dan? He has Caster on his feet, and he raises Caster's hand! The crowd is absolutely berserk! Bobo props Caster in the corner, and the President comes down again with the belts... He hands the World Title to Fiendish! Bobo holds it aloft for all to see... He straps it around his waist, and stands there with his arms crossed... What's he waiting for, Dan?"
"I have no idea, Lionel.... The Pres hands Caster the TV strap, and helps Caster hold it up... Bobo is moving in... What is he planning? The Pres eyes Fiendish warily... And Fiendish helps the Pres raise Caster's arm! Ladies and gentlemen, these are your champions! For the Nightmare Wrestling Foundation, this is 'Blind' Dan Furgeson...."
"And Lionel Thetyme..."
"Saying GOOD-NIGHT, and drive safely!"

(End of broadcast)