"Hello, everyone, and welcome to another spectacular card for the Nightmare Wrestling Foundation! My name is Lionel Thetyme, and my colleague is 'Blind' Dan Furgeson..."
"Thanks, Lionel. Well, folks, we have the first leg of the quest for the Heavyweight Strap coming up, and as far as I can see, it'll be a real riot... We have World War 2's Rematch with Dr. Midnight against Sgt. Sledge... We have a battle to see who is truly one of the Chosen between that scumbucket Gas Chamber and this Caster guy... We have a fan favorite in Tiger going against an anti-hero in Verbal... AND we have a three way scramble for the tag straps! Tonight we have it all, kids... Lock the doors! Hide your daughters! Here we come!"
"A little composure, there, Dan... Geeze... Well, we're hearing some music... Sounds like 'Run Through the Jungle' by CCR! Tiger is entering the ring, slapping five with the fans as he comes... Dan, you have to admit that Tiger is a real refreshing change considering all the swearing antagonistic beasts we have in the NWF... In fact, for a while there he had the inenviable position of being our ONLY undisputed 'babyface'..."
"Indeed, Lionel, and the tough competitor that he is... Tiger comes off an impressive victory against Sgt. Sledge in our last broadcast, so he's going into this match with momentum... As for the pretty much unknown 'Verbal', well, aside from his mouth and apparent 'Talk by the Dollar' policy, well, this is a guy that really TRIES to be disliked... Anywhere else, this would just get you hit with a soda or something; but in the NWF... Well, it can get you a cold, dark hole dug in the desert...."
"And now Verbal is entering the ring with his pet weirdo..."
"Tim is his manager, Lionel..."
"Dan, LOOK at this zagnut..."
"Is that a COW pattern T-shirt?"
"Well, I doubt it's a Gateway..."
"Pet weirdo it is...."
"Okay, the referee is checking both men, and is instructing the pet weirdo to leave the ring... It does, and the match begins... The two men circle each other, looking for openings... Verbal lunges, and Tiger executes a VERY snappy scissor leg-takedown.... Verbal hits the mat, and Tiger is on him quick as lightning.... Single arm-bar to top wristlock... Nice chain-wrestling from the Tiger, Dan..."
"Well, Tiger is one of the fastest, if not THE fastest wrestler in the Nightmare, Lionel... Add in his sharp technical skills, and this Verbal is in for a long night... Tiger is going for the Irish Whip... Verbal off the ropes... Tiger goes for a spinwheel kick, but Verbal ducks! Tiger careens out of the ring! The pet weirdo has a bag of something.... He opens it, and starts to rummage through it as Tiger gets to his feet... Tiger sees him! The pet weirdo starts to beg off, but Tiger moves in with a hard kick to the cow-clad moron's chest, dropping him! Oh NO! It was a diversion! Verbal connects with a springboard pescato, and Tiger goes back first into the steel!"
"Well, Dan, Tiger made a bad mistake taking his attention off his opponent, even though at the time it seemed like the smartest thing he could do... When you're out there with a guy whose only purpose is to give illegal objects to your opponent, you can't help but try to keep an eye on him...."
"Series of reverse knife-edge chops from this Verbal.... Tiger reeling from the impact... Verbal gets him in a front face-lock, maybe setting up for... A DDT! Tiger hits the concrete! Verbal taking a few bows while the fans give him a one-finger salute.... Verbal seems nonplussed by the negative reaction, and rolls a doubtlessly mashed up Tiger into the ring..."
"Tiger is still a bit shaken from the shellacking he took outside the ring, Lionel... I don't think ANYONE could be considered in A-1 shape after that kind of punishment... Verbal is in the ring, and he Irish Whips Tiger into the corner... Goes in after him full-tilt... OOO! Tiger gets rocked with a running lariat!"
"And he just had nowhere to go in that corner.... Verbal showing surprising ring presence by following Tiger in and not giving him the opportunity to formulate a counter... And look at this guy... Trying to get a reaction from the crowd... He does, but it's in the form of flying soda-cups... Tiger still looking woozy from the series of high-impact moves from the newcomer, and Verbal signals that he's going for the kill... Verbal's swinging DDT should wrap this match up, without him having to go to his Finisher, which unless I have a typo here, is called the 'Neener'..."
"WAIT... Tiger shoves Verbal away! Verbal falls off the ropes, and onto his back! Tiger was luring him in! Excellent ring strategy against the newcomer! I think Tiger's going to... YES! EIGHT-TEN SPLASH! Verbal doesn't know what hit him! The ref goes for the count! 1.... 2.... 3! Tiger takes the win!"
"Uh oh... The pet weirdo is on the apron and he's screaming at Tiger... Tiger turns to see what's going on... Oh MY! The pet weirdo throws some sort of powder into Tiger's face! Tiger is staggering around! This is just awful... Now Verbal is up! He grabs Tiger and picks him up, putting a spin on him... Looks like a Pearl River Driver coming up... Oh GEEZE! Verbal PRD's Tiger onto his KNEE! Oh MAN! Verbal covers Tiger, and Tim the pet weirdo makes a three count! 1.... 2... 3.... Tim is raising Verbal's hand! This is just disgusting, Lionel!"
"And the fans show their disapproval by giving Verbal and Tim a deluge of junk and trash.... Tim and Verbal give the fans the BIRD, and storm out of the ring, leaving a very lumped up Tiger in their wake. Dan, I can't believe this nonsense has happened, but Verbal has assaulted Tiger after losing by a clean pin... The question is... Why?"
"Well, Lionel, that question will have to go unanswered for now, because our next match is about to begin... Another newcomer, called Avalanche, is going against the penultimate two-legged massacre... Bobo Fiendish. Lionel, I can't believe anyone would want to square off against this heinous beast, but apparently the hunger for gold can even override survival instinct.... Avalanche enters the ring, and this brawling Northerner will have his hands full with Fiendish..."
"And we hear now the heavy guitar riffs of Yngwie Malmsteen's song ' No Mercy' which Bobo uses for entry music... Dan, can you believe this sociopath is allowed to run free?"
"Absolutely not, Lionel... Fiendish has admitted to almost eighty brutal slayings, and is known to be a fugitive on the loose ever since Pain and Punishment along with Gas Chamber liberated him from his portable holding cell... You have to ask what the hell they were thinking, don't you, Lionel?"
"More like IF they were thinking, Dan... Fiendish is a remorseless killer. What sort of 'holy' purpose could this walking death penalty serve?"
"We have yet to find out, Lionel, and I don't know if we ever will... Fiendish is in the ring, and Avalanche wastes no time, as he assaults Bobo with a flurry of fists and forearms... Fiendish seems to be patiently taking this in, waiting for a break... Avalanche runs to the ropes... Gets a head of steam up... Backdrop to Anklegrab Powerbomb from Fiendish! Oooo! That move is just so fierce, that I'm amazed nobody's thought of a counter for it..."
"Aside from not getting in it in the first place, Dan, I don't know what else one COULD do... Fiendish is moving with deliberation, as if to savor the moment while Avalanche struggles to get some wind back into his lungs... Fiendish picks him up in a Choke Slam and DRIVES him across his knee! Brutal mone from the psychopath, Dan..."
"No lie, Lionel... We've both seen this monster dissect an opponent in the ring, and it just doesn't get any easier to watch... Fiendish now puts the newcomer in a Rude-style Neckbreaker! Ooo... I know this kid is wishing he was back in the fed he left to be here, Lionel..."
"And with that, it looks like Fiendish is about to wave Farewell... He cinches the kid up in his clutches... I can't watch this... Brings the kid down...! Oh GOD! Farewell to the FLESH! The #1 Most Feared Finisher in the sport! Fiendish bears down on the newcomer with his lunatic strength.... There's the snap... Looks like Bobo has hit 80, Dan... My condolences to this guy's next of kin... "
"Just a horrible display of brutality from Fiendish... Can nothing stop this abomination? Oh GOD..."
"And that means Fiendish advances to the next tier, Dan.... God this is awful... The medical staff are removing the victim, and in a moment we'll get on to the next match... En Fuego versus Abu Mushiski.... Wait a second... What does this say? Mushiski has quit the fed? Outrageous!"
"Well, you know what they say, Lionel.... Some people got it, and some GET it... After several disappointing losses, I guess Abu has decided to move to a fed where the talent is more on a level with his... Personally, I didn't know Sesame Street HAD a wrestling circuit, but what the hell?"
"And the referee is notifying En Fuego of this turn of events, and declares En Fuego the winner by forfeit... En Fuego looks a little disappointed, but I can't help but think he's a little relieved as well..."
"This turn gives En Fuego the opportunity to be the freshest man in Saturday's Second Tier.... A distinct advantage, there, to be sure...."
"And as En Fuego leaves the ring, we'll move on to our next match... Sgt. Sledge versus Dr. Midnight, the Asian Sensation... Sgt. Sledge seems eager to rebound from his loss on Saturday against Tiger, and brings a determination and intensity that will serve him well against the Japanese masked-man... And with the sounds of 'The Halls of Montezuma' Sgt. Sledge comes down the aisle, with his trademark sledgehammer in hand..."
"Not one to dwell on his failures, Sledge is focused squarely on Dr. Midnight as if there's no tomorrow... I don't think he'll be caught napping this time, Lionel..."
"Neither do I, Dan, and as Dr. Midnight comes down the aisle, he has an American flag with him... Sledge looks as shocked as the rest of us at this, but Dr. Midnight is waving Old Glory! Midnight stops just outside the ring, and gathers the flag up into his hands... Oh NO! He SET IT ON FIRE! Now Midnight is waving a BURNING FLAG! He tosses it to the ground and stomps out the fire... Sledge is absolutely LIVID at this display, and he leaps out the ring after Midnight.... The referee calls for the start of the match as Sledge begins to rain rage across the Asian Sensation's back and shoulders... Midnight rolls into the ring quick as a cat, and Sledge is right behind him! OOO! Dropkick to the knee of the Sarge from Midnight! Sledge goes down, and Midnight applies a step-over knee wrench... Sledge is too close to the ropes, though, and the referee calls for the break... Midnight releases the hold, and then stomps on Sledge's knee!"
"Well, Lionel, obviously Midnight is a master of psychological warfare, and has used that awful display to completely distract Sledge from his gameplan... I don't know if the Sarge can come back from this early lead that Midnight has.... Midnight is dragging Sledge into the center of the ring, and applies a spinning toe-hold... Sarge gets a foot up, and shoves Midnight off him... Midnight goes down, and the Sarge gets some breathing room... Sledge is struggling to his feet, still favoring his right knee... Midnight sees it, and rubs his hands together greedily..."
"Don't forget, Dan, Midnight ended Abu Mushiski's NWF career by just mauling his leg, and it looks like Sledge is in for the same treatment from the not-so-good Doctor... Diving shoulder block from Midnight across Sledge's legs, knocking him to the mat again..."
"Midnight is schooled in the submission styles of Japan's best wrestlers, Lionel... None of them are known for having a whole pile of mercy in the ring... Sledge is in serious trouble, folks, and Midnight looks like he's going to put this to a close... Midnight picks Sledge up, and turns to run to the ropes and get up a head of steam... WAIT! Sledge has clamped on a Sleeper on the Asian Sensation! The crowd is going crazy as the Sarge grinds the hold on Midnight, who didn't know what hit him!"
"We could have an upset here, Dan! Midnight is trying to break the hold, but Sledge is locked on him like a pitbull... Oh NO! Midnight delivers a Jaw Breaker, and Sarge is on his back! Great counter move from the Asian Sensation.... Midnight's on his feet, and quickly applies an STF! Sledge is in the middle of the ring! He's trying to power out of the hold, but with the damage done to his leg I don't know if he can... The referee asks him if he wants to tap... Sarge shakes no... Midnight grinds the hold, hyperextending the calves of Sledge... It's just too much... Sledge taps... Midnight advances to Tier 2, despite a gutsy display from Sgt. Sledge..."
"Well, Lionel, Midnight really threw Sledge a curve by burning Old Glory... Everyone knows that when you really lose your temper, you're not thinking clearly anymore... Sledge proves no exception, and Midnight steals the win... Y'know, if Midnight hadn't stooped to such a depth, I could've seen that match end quite differently."
"Midnight, as we said, is a master of psychological warfare... But this is one thing we don't think Sarge is gonna just let slide, and every soldier knows that one battle is not a war, and this looks like it's gonna be a war.... Midnight has definitely made a bitter enemy this evening, Dan...."
"And with that, we go to our next match.... Caster, fresh off of one of the most bizarre tag-team victories ever witnessed, will go nose to nose against that BASTARD Gas Chamber..."
"Who, let me add, Dan, is coming off a string of victories himself... RVD was beaten out of the fed by GC, and so was Abu Mushiski... Caster is gonna have his hands full with Gas Chamber tonight..."
"And Gas Chamber comes out to the ring with... Oh, Mother of Christ.... Bobo Fiendish! What the hell is THIS? Bobo's had his match! Somebody get him out of there...."
"You can do it if you want, Dan..."
"Uhhh... No..."
"Well, we now hear Metallica's 'Hero of the Day', which signals the coming of Caster escorted by the lovely Jazelle... Caster stops halfway down the aisle, seeing Bobo and GC standing in the ring, and seems to be calling for someone from the back..."
"And it's getting warmer in here, Lionel, which can only mean...."
"En Fuego comes out to stand with Caster! We could have a real brawl here, Dan!"
"Bobo pulls out a pack of cigarettes, and tosses them over his shoulder.... En Fuego is practically boiling with rage at this display, but he holds back... Apparently, he's not going to thake the bait that Fiendish tosses out."
"Very smart move on En Fuego's part, Dan... He doesn't want to get Caster disqualified, which apparently was the gist of the plan from the murdering beast.... Bobo seems to smile at this, and steps down from the apron onto the floor, giving a sweeping gesture that signals Caster to proceed into the ring..."
"Come into my parlor, said the Spider to the Fly... Eh, Lionel?"
"Caster approaches the ring cautiously with En Fuego and Jazelle close behind... It seems that Fiendish won't accost Caster, either..."
"That would get GC disqualified, Lionel... Bobo isn't going to fall into his own trap...."
"And now Caster is in the ring, and the referee calls for the start... GC and Caster go into a collar and elbow tieup, neither man getting an advantage... They break, and tie up again.... They still don't give an inch to each other... Caster goes for the tieup again, but GC kicks him in the stomach! GC follows up with a Roaring Elbow that puts Caster on his back! GC sets up for a fist drop, but Caster rolls out of the way! Both men scramble to their feet, and Caster is up first... Hard kneelift from the MagicMan, and GC goes down... Double Axehandle from Caster as GC tries to get to his feet... Dan, are you SMILING?"
"Nervous tic, Lionel.... That's all...."
"Uh huh... Caster pulls GC to his feet and executes a CRISP standing dropkick that floors GC again... Caster moves to pull Caster back to his feet, but GC delivers a hard right cross to the MagicMan's midsection that back him up... Spinning Hook Kick from GC that sends Caster spilling out of the ring... Can you believe that GC can move so quick, Dan?"
"Get up, Caster! Get that ass back in the ring! C'MON!"
"Fiendish levels his gaze onto Caster's pain-wracked form, and En Fuego moves between them... Bobo doesn't seem impressed by En Fuego's stand, and stifles a yawn... En Fuego starts to move forward, but Jazelle stops him... Obviously, En Fuego is still burning mad about his treatment at the hands of Fiendish..."
'At least he didn't treat him like he treated Avalanche, Lionel...."
"For what reason we don't dare hazard a guess, Dan... En Fuego helps Caster to his feet, and GC is enjoying the breather..."
"Surprising show of restraint from Fiendish and En Fuego, Lionel... Caster begins to get back into the ring... Oh DAMN! GC feeds Caster a running Giant Boot that sends him back to the floor! Get up you! Get UP!"
"And GC gets a running start and delivers a baseball slide that slams Caster into the steel! Things are looking bleak for the MagicMan... Jazelle tries to get him to his feet, and GC is laughing like hell... Caster forces himself to his feet, and begins to climb back into the ring... GC lets him and as Caster turns to face him, GC FLOORS him with a Western Lariat that practically turns the MagicMan inside-out!"
"Damn! Get up, Caster! Fight back, you BUM!"
"Ooookay.. GC takes the boots to Caster, and Jazelle turns away in horror... GC picks Caster up, and is apparently going for the Gas Chamber... There's the Gutwrench.... Caster COUNTERS! DDT! DDT!! He goes for the cover! 1.... 2.... 3....! Caster wins! Caster WINS!"
"YA-HOO! Take THAT you rat-bastard! YAY!"
"What a startling turn of events! Caster pulls a victory from the jaws of defeat! This is just amazing! Startling ring savvy from Caster as he shakes loose of the Gutwrench and delivers a DDT to the completely surprised GC... Excellent wrestling skill at work, Dan..."
"HOORAY! I hope he broke your damned NECK! I hope you DIE!"
"DAN! COMPOSE YOURSELF!"
"But I HATE him!"
"DAN! I'll give Bobo your home address!"
"I'll be good...."
"Fine..."
"And that brings us to our last match of the evening... A triple team scramble between the Hypnotico Brothers, Fathers Pain and Punishment, and Fire and Ice... What? I'm just getting a bulletin here... Fire and Ice have run away... Apparently they want no part of the Nightmare anymore after their continuous poor showings in the ring... Such a display of pure cravenly cowardice is disgusting to me, and I think it's a disgrace to this fine sport! What do you say to this, Lionel?"
"I agree, Dan... Fire and Ice have decided to flee to greener pastures where they may have an easier time of it."
"Maybe they eloped with Mushiski.... You could call their stable the Bitches of Eastwick, eh, Lionel...?"
"Hehe! Good one, Dan. So we have a repeat of Saturday's matchup where Dr. Midnight caused P&P to lose with another of his shameful displays... Let's hope that the Father's have it more together this time..."
"Indeed... And with the Gregorian Chants we have Heaven's Messengers entering the ring.... They look much more determined than they were last time, and that was pretty darn determined, then... All I can say, Lionel, is that I hope that since P&P have decided to bring Caster out with them, Dr. Midnight won't be able to distract them..."
"It's a theory, Dan..."
"And now the Hypnoticos come out, and the fans are cheering... These two may just be the darlings of the fed that they claim to be, seeing this crowd reaction to them.... And they enter the ring, and we'll have this match in short order... The referee calls for the bell, and we'll have Father Pain start off against Hypnotico 2... Father Pain approaches, and gets a standing dropkick square in the mush! He scrambles to his feet, and catches another dropkick from H2! He begins to get to his feet again.... H2 goes for the dropkick, but Pain didn't get all the way up! H2 misses, and hits the mat hard... Pain is on him like ugly on an ape, and ties H2 up in a half-crab... H2 struggles to power out, but Pain sets deep, neutralizing him... H2 crawls to the ropes, and the ref calls for the break!"
"It's a clean break, too, Dan, which is something of a surprise considering the history these two teams have together... H2 makes the tag and H1 comes out... Pain catches him in a full-arm-drag and twist.... H1 counters with a crisp short clothesline that drops the Father! Pain rolls to his corner and tags in Pun... Both men bounce off the ropes, gathering momentum... DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! Both men go down! Uh oh... It looks like Dr. Midnight is sneaking to the ring.... Caster steps in front of him! Midnight lays Caster out with a thunderous forearm shiver! Now Midnight is taking the boots to Caster!"
"Lionel! The match! H1 has Pun in a bearhug.... Belly to Belly Suplex! Pun hits the canvas hard!"
"Caster is being thrown a terrible beating by Midnight... The Doctor picks caster up... In a Choke Slam? Midnight doesn't do that! Caster hits the floor in a heap! Midnight picks him up again... Another Choke Slam...ACROSS THE KNEE! Oh GEEZE! Midnight is pulling his mask off.... It's Bobo! Bobo Fiendish has come out and thrown Caster a beating for no good reason! This is awful! Bobo turns on his heel and stalks back to the dressing room.... What the hell just happened here?"
"I have no idea, Lionel... In the confusion, H1 has rolled Pun into an inside cradle! 1.... 2.... 3....! The Hypnoticos are the new tag champs! The Hypnoticos take the gold!!! I think I've seen everything now as Bobo Fiendish has apparently turned against the Chosen! The Fathers are beside themselves over this turn of events, and I don't know what else to say!"
"Try good night, Dan... Thanks for tuning in to Nightmare Wrestling Foundation's Wicked Wednesday... Drive safely, and we'll see you again this Saturday for some more wild action in the NWF...."

End of transmission......