"Greetings, Nightmare Wrestling Fans, and welcome to the inaugural card for the Saturday Nightmare! I'm Lionel Thetyme, and with my associate 'Blind' Dan Furgeson..."
"Quiet, Linus! I can tell them who I am without your help, y'know?"
"Uh, okay... So let's get on with the first match of the evening..."
"Fine. We have a serious match up first with Rob Van Dam against... WHAT? He's still here? I thought he was burned up when that other fed got torched....."
"Sorry, Dan, but Gas Chamber is now in the NWF... I remember that you two have a history, don't you?"
"History? He beat me up for no reason! He's scum! I hate that piece of...."
"DAN! Compose yourself!"
"Right... Uh... And now Gas Chamber is approaching the ring... The crowd is apparently getting into it... I guess it's because RVD is despised by all..."
"True, Dan, Rob's ego is all that keeps him from being a fan favorite. The two men are now in the ring, and there's the bell! Rob gets an early start with a jumping inside crescent kick at GC."
"But GC ducks, and performs... What? Is that a dragon screw leg whip? In midair?"
"I think it is, Dan... Hard to believe a guy as big as GC can do moves that would do a luchadore proud, but there's the proof... RVD is a little shaken up, understandably... He starts to get to his feet, but GC is already there, and lands a clubbing forearm to RVD's back. RVD goes back down, and GC takes the boots to him..."
"Rob is wisely rolling out of the ring in an attempt to break the tempo. He looks a little shaken, but he won't make the same mistakes twice.... What the hell is GC doing?"
"It's a springboard missile dropkick, Dan... GC is mocking RVD by using Rob's signature moves.... RVD takes the impact, and goes into the steel! GC applies a snapmare, and kicks RVD in the back of his head! He tosses RVD into the ring, and goes in after him..."
"This can only mean bad things ahead for RVD, Leo..."
"Lionel. Blast it, Furgeson, my name is LIONEL..."
"Of course, Lonnie... GC is picking up RVD, and puts him in a Screwdriver... RVD is taking a beating at the hands of this beast... It's gruesome."
"There doesn't seem to be much fight left in RVD, Dan..."
"After that suplex-to-piledriver, there wouldn't be much fight left in ANYONE, Levon."
"Looks like GC is going for the Finisher, Dan... Seeing as you were put through that particular maneuver, I can bet you feel RVD's pain..."
"That was a cheap shot, Lionel. I was in the hospital for weeks after that..."
"Oh, good... You CAN get my name right if you try..."
"Let's just get back to the commentary... Lionel..."
"Right, Dan... GC is executing his signature modified Tiger Bomb on RVD... And he DRIVES him onto the back of head and neck! I think it's over, Dan... The referee makes the count... 1.... 2.... 3.... Gas Chamber wins it!"
"Wait a second, Lionel... Who's that running down the aisle?"
"I think.... YES... It's Sabu! He's coming to save his Team Extreme partner! Sabu has jumped onto the apron, but GC hasn't moved... He's daring Sabu to come in and get RVD... Sabu leaps into the ring and kicks GC in the belly... I think..."
"That looked a little low to me, too, Lionel... It looks like Sabu wants to take matters into his own hands... He has something... What is it? Can you see?"
"It looks like a set of brass knuckles! He's gonna dent GC's skull! Wait! Someone else is running down the aisle! Who is it?"
"It looks like the guy that Sabu is SUPPOSED to be fighting... A new wrestler by the name of En Fuego... He makes it to the ring, and executes a baseball slide into Sabu's knee, knocking him over... The knucks fly out of his hand, and out of the ring... GC looks around... Gives RVD another kick in the head, and exits the ring..."
"Okay... Sabu and En Fuego are mixing it up like a two man riot... Wildly punching away at each other like they've been enemies for years..."
"You won't find that kind of intensity anywhere else but the Nightmare, Lionel."
"Damn straight, Dan."
"Sabu executes a high angle bodyslam on En Fuego... But rather than following it up, he uses the time to push RVD out of the ring... RVD must be really lumped up, and our medical staff comes out to get him..."
"En Fuego is on his feet, though, and dropkicks Sabu straight in the mouth! Sabu falls between the ropes and to the floor... En Fuego goes out after him, and they start mixing it up fresh... Flurries of rights and lefts from both men... Sabu kicks En Fuego in the chest, and then irish-whips him into the steel... En Fuego counters with a flying cross chop that drops Sabu... Both men are mxing it up on the floor like there's no tomorrow..."
"Wait a sec.... The bell is sounding... What happened?"
"In all the confusion, Sabu and En Fuego must have lost track of the count... This bout is a no contest, Dan..."
"The two men don't seem to care, and are still fighting all the way back to the dressing rooms... This could be a rivalry to watch, Lionel..."
"Maybe later, Dan... What's the next match...?"
"A tag-team battle between newcomers Fire and Ice, and Heaven's Messengers..."
"Cool... Heaven's Messengers are a cagey couple of veterans who will seriously test these rookies, don't you agree?"
"Well, this Fire and Ice combo could be what it takes to send these holy rollers back to church... I even hear that Fire and Ice are brothers....Boy, their momma must've fed them six times a day... Look at the size of those two.... They must weigh over seven hundred pounds together... Father Pain and Father Punishment are gonna have their hands full..."
"Okay, and Heaven's Messengers are coming down the aisle now... Sprinkling the fans with holy water and blessing everyone in sight... Kinda strange those two... They enter the ring, and are attacked before the bell by Fire and Ice! Obviously, these two galoots are taking no chances with Pain and Punishment...."
"The referee calls for the start of the match, and Fire tosses Pain outside the ring and goes after him, while Ice stays in with Punishment... Pun is taking shot after shot from the big man, and OW! Pun turns the tables with a crisp shoulder block into Ice's midsection... I guess Ice isn't used to being hit back, eh, Lionel?"
"I guess Fire and Ice expected to just be put over, but Punishment and Pain are showing them the hard way that Heaven's Messengers are NOBODY's jobbers... Outside the ring, it looks like Pain is getting the upper hand on Fire as well... OOO! Big bodyslam onto the steel steps! Fire looks like he's really feeling that one.... He tries to get back up, but Pain rams him headfirst into the ringpost.... Ouch! Looks like Fire and Ice are getting a lesson from the school of hard knocks, doesn't it, Dan?"
"Well, the hard truth here is that P&P will fight you however you want to fight them... Fire and Ice showed that they wanted to brawl, so P&P obliged them... Kind of like an 'ask and ye shall recieve' thing, as I see it, Lionel...."
"Well said, Dan... Uh oh, looks like Pain is signalling to the crowd for the Reconciler... Can Punishment get that big monster up? He does...! Amazing show of strength from Father Punishment as he brings Ice Man into the vertical suplex position and holds him there... Father Pain makes the sign of the cross signalling Punishment to finish it, and Pun spins on the way down, delivering the spinning neckbreaker that makes the Reconciler one of the most feared Finishers in the sport..."
"Not THE most, though, eh, Lionel?"
"Don't talk about that, Dan... It could be out there..."
"Nuff said... And the ref makes the count on Ice... 1... 2... 3... Pain and Punishment win!"
"The ref could've counted to thirty, Dan... P&P bless the crumpled forms of Fire and Ice, and make their way out the ring..."
"That leaves one match, right, Lionel?"
"Right you are, Dan... We have newcomer Abu Mushiski going against The Asian Sensation, Doctor Midnight... These two high fliers are pretty evenly matched, aren't they?"
"They are indeed, though it seems that the Asian Sensation has the edge of experience on the Arbian Wonder...."
"Don't you mean Arabian, Dan? Ar-A-Bi-An?"
"I'm just reading the card, here, Lionel... It says Arbian... I don't think it matters...."
"No, I guess not... And Abu flips his way down the aisle and towards the ring..."
"Big mistake there, Lionel.... He's gonna need all the energy he has to go against Dr. Midnight... Those flips make for a nice flashy entrance, but I don't think it's gonna help him in the long run..."
"Well, Abu IS a bit green, Dan... He wants to show the fans some of his stuff...."
"Alright, with Mushiski in the ring, it's time for Dr. Midnight's entrance.... Here he comes with his entourage... He's waving to the fans, and looks to be ready to test the mettle of this newcomer... Abu runs against the ropes and executes a somersault dropkick on the Asian Sensation from the ring to the floor... Totally blindsiding the Doctor... His entourage scatters as Abu picks up Dr. Midnight and Irish whips him towards the side of the ring...."
"REVERSAL! Dr. Midnight put the brakes on, and whips Abu into the steel steps...!"
"That's definitely gonna slow the youngster down a few steps, eh, Lionel..?"
"That wasn't even REMOTELY funny, Dan...."
"Just calling the match, Lionel... Dr. Midnight tosses Abu into the ring, and the referee calls for the official start... Abu's trying to get to his feet, but he's favoring his knee a little... Dr. Midnight sees it, and like a shark smelling blood, he goes after the kid with a dropkick to the injured knee! He picks the kid up, and it looks like he's going for an atomic drop..."
"Nope, he puts Abu in a kneebreaker... This is one Doctor you just DON'T show where it hurts, Dan.... Abu is writhing on the mat, and Midnight executes a spinning toe hold on the injured leg... Abu is in a bad way, Dan...."
"Midnight pulls the kid towards the corner, and jumps outside... What's he planning? Oh MAN! He rams the side of Mushiski's leg into the ringpost! It looks like the Asian Sensation is trying to end the career of Mushiski.... Before it really begins..."
"This is a little much, though, Dan... The kid's a rookie! What's the matter with the Asian Sensation? Did he go insane?"
"I think that he's just showing his true colors, Lionel... He rolls back into the ring, and climbs the cornerpost... Abu is still desperately trying to pick himself up, and Midnight takes to the air! Abu is in the center of the ring.... What's Midnight doing?"
"Flying Hurricane DDT! Oh GEEZE! Abu slams headfirst into the mat... I think it could be over.... 1.... 2.... 3.... Midnight wins it! Midnight wins it! He spits on the prone form of Mushiski, and strolls out like he was taking a walk in the park... My GOD... The arrogance of this Asian Sensation is unbelieveable! I don't know what to say!"
"Try saying Good Night, Lionel... This is 'Blind' Dan Furgeson, and for my colleague Lionel Thetyme, we here at Nightmare Wrestling Foundation wish you all a Good Night. Drive Safely, now...."

We now conclude this broadcast....